Mastering my Mojo

If you read my previous blog, the heroine in the story was smited with the winter sickness. If you are gasping and searching for that post; you can read it here.

Blow away the smoke and push through the mirrors of that story and you will find that heroine was me.

It wasn't only my runny nose, chesty cough, bags under the eyes and rash around my nose from blowing it that got me down, it was the general feelings of lackluster and overall missing of my- what I'm going to call "mojo" that had me struggling to get out of bed, feel like anything I was wearing looked decent, and crying inexplicably about three times in one week (not that is a bad thing.)

mojo¹

ˈməʊdʒəʊ/

noun

US

noun: mojo; plural noun: mojos

1. a magic charm, talisman, or spell.

   "someone must have their mojo working over at the record company"

   • influence, especially magic power.

     "the name has no mojo"

   early 20th century: probably of African origin; compare with Gullah moco ‘witchcraft’.

mojo²

ˈməʊdʒəʊ,ˈməʊhəʊ/

noun

US

noun: mojo

1. a Cuban sauce or marinade containing garlic, olive oil, and sour oranges.

The context I am using it in, is not the Cuban sauce sense, but I definitely feel like life is more spicy when there is mojo around. The modern colloquial definition this word is commonly coming to mean, is personal confidence, charisma, and tenacity.
I don't know if it is a 'performer' thing, or an everybody thing, but I'm going to give it a red hot go at explaining to you my musings.
Some of you reading this might always have a relatively good base level mojo, which then peaks at parties, when you do well at work, or are "in the zone" in a sports game/ relationship.  
Some of you reading this might feel like you had loads of mojo when you were younger, fitter, or more fulfilled. I don't know if these objective things have a direct correlation to the magic that is one's personal confidence and charisma- but here I want to explore and challenge that; and go on a quest to master and manifest my mojo, even when the chips are down.

Anyways, so there I was, last week, with no mojo in my dojo, feeling a little low low, indulging myself in cocoa, not feeling the up and go go.
Fortunately, I was flown to Byron Bay to perform at Splendour in the Grass music festival. The combination of warm weather and time onstage doing what I love making people laugh, heckling passers by and then post show shenanigans including a ukelele jam till sunrise put the spring back in my step somewhat. 

I have found that mojo has to come from within, but other things can help bring it out. It can't be forced, or the same as your friend's. It waxes and wanes in volume, and everyone restores it in different ways. I have found it also might not be completely useful to throw your mojo around willy nilly, but can make life extremely colourful if injected into relatively mundane situations, like going to the supermarket. My mojo was missing for a few reasons, the weather, sickness, burying myself in business and routine and not contacting those who lift me up, another one being that my time was spent on comparison to others and was a distraction for me seeing my "me-ness"  (for you, your "you-ness")

PUT THE "YOU" IN UNIQUE. 

To master my mojo I guess I needed to restore faith in myself and unique set of gifts that bring a spark to people's eyes and lives, including mine. I also needed the contrast of the mojo-less time to hibernate and be the very hungry caterpillar who just needed to quietly go about its' business, eating cucumber sandwiches and cakes until it was ready to become a butterfly.

If you are furrowing your brow, somehow confused at the way I am darting around talking about Cuban sauces, uniqueness, and caterpillars, apologies. It's what I am going to call "the process". The karate kid was confused when Mr Miyagi was getting him to wax on and wax off, and that was a process too. My writing about this is my way of feeling through the dark to the find and maintain the sparkle I was missing. Even as doing so, I am quietly freaking out and umming and ahhing about whether to actually publish this, as I have had some people challenge the things I am writing which I have taken very personally (even though they were justified.)

 I am hoping that by sharing this with you, I am getting you to think about your own personal magical mojo. Maybe you take a step back and give yourself a giant high 5. Maybe you scratch your head and reflect and look at things that might need slowing down (eg work) or changing (eg lifestyle) because they are stopping you from putting the YOU in YOUNIQUE. 

At Splendour in the Grass, as well as some great headline musicians, I saw some smaller musicians and also spoken word artists who showed me how powerful words are. These artists bared their souls and ideas and got into my heart and showed me how they can change the world with words. It left me inspired that I have the skills to scratch the surface and do the same, and I guess that is what I am chipping away at here. 

People say to me "wow, you are so brave that you can get onstage and do comedy and be such funny, witty characters and make your own work!"

Well, there are times where writing and publishing this blog has me much much more scared than that.

So, I'm going to dig up that personal confidence- master my mojo, and publish this before the spark goes.

You rippa!

Jj 

Meditation and me.

I am beginning the second week of my 200-hour yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, India.

This is where yoga comes from. Our teachers grew up with it, the ancient philosophy the guide for their daily lives. Although they are here to teach us yoga, the asanas (physical poses) are only 5% of what yoga is all about- mind, body, soul.

Our schedule is rigorous. Before every class there is a short meditation (what a great way to get in the zone), and in some classes the focus is meditation so it's a lot longer. Meditation is something I have dabbled into and felt the benefit of. I also pray, and sometimes the two combine. Right now I'm pushing myself to go internal, to get meditation to help me write this post. See it's a very personal thing, and I can feel my heart rate increasing and a lump rise in my throat as the oncoming vulnerability and fear takes over.

I'm not good at this.

I don't know if you can ever be 'good' at meditation.... unless, according to yogic philosophy, you practice for many many years and reach Samadhi- enlightenment or bliss. 

As that's far far away, we are mostly practicing concentration

 (**cough, some might say 'mindfulness' but that's such an overused word it makes me literally cringe. And I mean "literally" as in for real, not in the way "literally" is used instead of "figuratively" and has lost all meaning.)

Concentration is the crawl to meditation's walk. 

"Slowly, slowly, it will come."

There have been meditation classes where I've fallen asleep, where I have wanted to change position, open my eyes and check the time, or see what is making the sound I hear. There have been classes where suddenly my chest has got heavy and tears roll down my cheeks from the small opening of my closed eyes. Times where I have felt so relaxed and like I'm just a mind, not a body, and a time where I felt my soul rise out of me and smile at me for doing something so challenging yet rewarding.

Moving my now 27 year old body through asanas, balances and inversions; I have encountered some movement I was able to do when I was younger I find more difficult now. I never thought that day would come as I have always been really active with sport, the gym, dance and yoga since I was 18.... Granted, there are some things my body can do now that it couldn't back then, but it still makes me sad to know that there may one day be a point where it's too hard/too old/ too dangerous (like during pregnancy.) However, I am not as scared of this as I thought I would be because I know my meditation muscles are going to be able to grow and serve me when my physical ones might not. 

I'm actually excited to see how far the mind can go, and for the first time, I feel truely compassionate toward myself and not bothered if I don't 'get it right.' If I fall asleep during a meditation or pranayama class and miss the point then it must mean I'm tired. If my mind can't focus on one thing and I start planning what I am going to wear for an event 3 months away, then oh well. At least I'll have that out of the way to leave my mind clearer for meditating.... right? 

I hope you can find something to take and ruminate over from this massive thing I have tried to briefly articulate to you. Prayer, meditation (cringe- mindfulness) and concentration cost nothing, but give us so much. Hugs, smiles and complements are the same also. Give them to yourself or give them away and feel the joy it can bring into your day.

Jj