20-something signs you're succeeding in life

Something I have written about in previous blogs is how success is what you say it is.
My version of success is different to yours, which is different to your neighbour's and your parents' definition.
It's hard to remember when we live in a world where image, material possessions and job status seem like things everyone wants to prove, rather than the internal measures of success.

So here's a fantastic list I stumbled upon on LIFEHACK, written by Dr Carolyn Morgan that I hope you can tick a few boxes for:

"We all feel like failures from time to time. While this is a normal feeling, you have to find a way to see yourself and your life from a different perspective. Sometimes we ignore the “little things.” Just because you are not a millionaire, don’t live in a mansion, and you don’t drive a fancy car, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. In fact, it’s quite the contrary.

Here are 20 signs that you are succeeding in life:

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be.

Drama is not maturity. As we age, we should develop maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

2. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more.

Asking for help does not equal weakness. In fact, it is a strength. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

3. You have raised your standards.

You don’t tolerate bad behavior any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions. You don’t spend time with the “energy vampires” in your life anymore.

4. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.

No, this is not narcissistic even though it might seem like it. Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

5. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror.

Ideally, you should appreciate who you see in the mirror at every moment. But even if that doesn’t happen, if you do it more than you used to, then that is success. Love yourself. You are awesome.

6. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth.

Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping stones to something better. In reality, there really is no such thing as as setback. It’s all just part of a wondrous journey.

You may be interested in reading this too: 20 Common Habits Successful People Consciously Reject

7. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you.

If you have figured out the people who “have your back” and recognized the ones who only pretend that they do, then you have succeeded. This is a painful realization, but once you learn to see the signs of betrayal, you can stay away from those people.

8. You don’t complain much.

Because you know there really is nothing to complain about. Unless you really have gone through some horrific life experience and had unimaginable losses, most of what we all experience on a day-to-day basis is just mundane. And successful people know that. And they live in a space of gratitude.

9. You can celebrate others’ successes.

Just because other people succeed, that doesn’t make you a failure. Applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.

10. You have passions that you pursue.

You are not stagnant. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. You have unique talents and gifts. Not only do you know that, you pursue it.

11. You have things to look forward to.

If you don’t have exciting things going on in your life that you are eagerly anticipating, then you are slowly dying inside. Successful people create goals that they are passionate about pursuing. They let this excitement drive their life.

12. You have goals that have come true.

Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have  some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

13. You have empathy for others.

A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

14. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

15. You refuse to be be a victim.

You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

16. You don’t care what other people think.

You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

17. You always look on the bright side.

Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

18. You accept what you can’t change.

Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

19. You change what you can.

And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!!

20. You are happy.

To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is,  or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life."

Thanks Dr Carolyn!

For me, I don't know whether it's luck or karma or success, but lately, every call centre (Vodaphone, power bill line and some airlines) I have been on the blower with have been especially helpful and efficient and when they genuinely wish you a happy day it can make all the difference. It's such a small trivial thing, but like the list says, the small things are worth noticing.
Therefore comparing yourself to others' success is like comparing the sandwich you made to someone else's bed they made. They are both different things and the only person you can compare to is yourself. I'm sure the sandwiches you make now are better than the first ones you ever made, so congratulations- you are a sandwich success!*
*I'm pretty sure you are probably other things success too.

Jj

10 things I've been doing instead of blogging

I have not been on here for a long long time........priorities have been changing as dynamically as the weather! So, to at least get something out and try drag myself back to my beloved blog with my tail between my legs, I thought I'd update with what I have been doing instead of writing.

1. Writing, creating, producing my own show. Any time I have had to sit at the computer has been dedicated to that, and boy is it time consuming! (those photoshop and Riverdance tutorials have been keeping my late nights really classy)
The poster is below.

2. Going to some rad theatre, including the Melbourne Fringe Festival, a performance by the VCA third years, and UNDRGRND dance, which can't really be counted as theatre but more of a party.

3. Going to LISTEN OUT music festival which was in the botanical gardens and I got to see Chet Faker, Zhu, SchoolBoyz Q and Flume. A great time was had and the team was glad I packed bananas in my festival fanny pack.

4. Enjoying the warmer weather.....am very soon to start adopting "sun's out, clothes off" policy

5. Riding my bike. I even bought this rad chain oil as I've been riding so much

6. Drinking tea

7. Spending time with my wonderful family, who visited and we did many lovely things, such as going to Once the musical and also doing a walking tour of Melbourne (which I highly recommend) and also the Victor Hugo- Page to Stage exhibition, picture below is us in our Les Miserables costumes!

8. Cross-fit

9. Playing with dogs I have found sitting outside the gym, cafes, just generally on the street

10. Drinking coffee and exploring new places, such as The Old Barber shop cafe in Richmond, where I had their house blend coffee which was delightfully cinnamon-y and their warm bowl of health has got me kicking on with my day!

I have some exciting things on the horizon and changes are coming. Here's to the next few hectic weeks and I'll try and write as timely as I can.

Any suggestions for topics are most welcome!

Jj

A risk-free life is half a life

“Most men either compromise or drop their greatest talents and start running after, what they perceive to be, a more reasonable success, and somewhere in between they end up with a discontented settlement. Safety is indeed stability, but it is not progression.” 

― Criss Jami

I was fortunate enough to stumble across one of Melbourne's Gems, Birney and Co, Melbourne's fashionable tram on Southbank on Monday. 

http://theoldclothingtrade.com.au/about-birney/
It's a delightful wee tram car that drives on the road and sells vintage clothing. I got talking to the stunning woman who owns it and she said she just left her full time job, bought the car and did what she wanted to do, travel and clothes.
Wow.
Birney and Co can be found at the Queen Vic Market and also is going to be around festivals over summer.

The lovely trinkets I bought- Penny farthing necklace as I love bikes 

I also went to some wonderful shows at the Melbourne Fringe Festival, one of which, was a one-woman show written by a girl I met way way back when we were in the Young New Zealand Shakespeare company and we toured to the Globe in London. She was a hoot back then and even more fantastic tonight.
It was fantastic to see someone years on doing what they love, taking it further and being dang good at it.

Both of these people have taken risks, jumping outside the norm with both feet. All for doing what they love. If you feel you are meant to do something, then to deny your soul of that is to only be living a half life. 

Yes, taking big risks and making life changes is scary, but you know what is even scarier?
Regret.

I'm telling myself this as I embark on what I'm sure is going to be a very colourful and challenging journey, and that is producing  my own show (this is why my blogs have been a touch inconsistent as all my writing is going into it! )
More details and snippets are to come, if you are taking Melbourne's glorious public transport or around the inner North you might see me practicing- I'll be easy to recognise as the girl talking to herself in strange accents. 

I look at people who were pioneers of their own brand, the ones who were going against the grain, ignoring how in society today we measure external success, money, security and reputation. These people have listened to their passion, need for fulfilment and spiritual purpose and inspire me to do the same (though there are plenty of times that I am listening to the pessimistic and procrastinating voices in my head and then not doing anything) 

And thus, not a word more shall be spent on this blog today, I have scenes to write!

Have a great one, and if you come across these inspirational risk-takers on your journeys, give them a pat on the back and hopefully their drive will inspire you too.

Jj

Teas are a few of my favourite things

If a hug could come in a mug, it would undoubtably be a mug of tea.

After water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world. Whilst the java jive can give you the jitters, a cuppa can calm you down.

See, tea contains L-theanine, an amino acid whose consumption is mildly associated with a calm but alert and focused, relatively productive (alpha wave-dominant) mental state in humans (that's us.)

This mental state is also common to meditative practice, and the ceremony of tea is one that has been practised across the world for centuries. I've watch enough TED talks to know that meditation is pretty key to mastering your dreams so therefore tea is too*

When I'm really feeling the strain and all I want to do is pack up and leaf, taking the time to boil the kettle and clutch a cup can really turn the day around. Before cafes were abundant, the classic catch up between friends and family began with boiling the kettle and bringing out the biscuits. There were doilies for the dainty and sugar cubes for the classy, but the thing that featured was the fellowship of sitting down to have the drink together.

In Swedish they have the word "fika" which basically means to hang out and talk over a hot drink. In many other cultures the tea protocol is well known and well practised, and the benefits are abundant. 

C.S Lewis said 

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."

Whilst I could go on about this wonderful elixir, my cup is emptea and I must move on with the day, now all the more hydrated and calm.

I hope yours is a treat!

Jj

*coffee helps master dreams, but in a different way. Both are essential and can be consumed whilst reading this blog, telling your friends about this blog and just being the good egg that you are. 

Spring is the new You

You probably feel it.

I definitely feel it.

That slight warmth in the air. The waft of something fresh, and a breeze that's as gentle as the morning light at 7am.

It's Spring down-under. (Sorry to all the northern-hemisphere folk reading this as you re-fuel your snow ploughs)

Whilst some of us are re-adapting the "sun's out, clothes off" policy albeit hastily, there is no denying that the slight rise in temperature and Vitamin D levels has put the Spring in our step. I don't know about you, but I am happy for it to stay this way for a while- warm enough to not see your breath in the morning, but cool enough to still want to drink coffee that isn't iced and wear a chic denim jacket and boots not jandals and a Bali mumu.

It's not only the temperature that's making the difference; it's the colour, the smiles, the flowers and the salads. It's like when you swap to a different laundry powder- so refreshing you want to rub it against your face and breathe in.

If you have been in hibernation that involved onesies, sweet potato chips and sticky date pudding and are freaking out about getting rid of your winter coat (the one on your waistline rather than in your wardrobe) rather than worry about getting rid of things for spring, focus on taking positive things on.

A new season, abundant with freshness is more than reason enough to refresh your outlook.*

*Well that's what I'm trying to tell myself anyway, as a distraction from the "the year is almost over and what have I achieved feelings!"

**That and I bought new runners, which not only support my feet and look cool but they also match my teapot (priorities.....)

Spring is the new you. 

Winter you enjoyed staying in and watching TV series back to back.

Spring you prefers to go walking or riding when it's still mild at dusk.

Winter you doesn't get out of bed as early as Spring you.

Winter you didn't find themselves smiling at nothing because they are excited for how the rest of the day is going to blossom.

(and so on an so fourth)

If I'm waffling on worse than a new mum and you can't see the delight with the change in the air, then apologies. I don't know. I found myself feeling very lacklustre at the beginning of the week and sitting outside and soaking up a few of those rays helped start to turn it around. 

And the new runners certainly got me stepping in the right direction.

I have taken up Bikram Yoga again and hope to sweat, standing head to knee and savasana my way into the new season. I would love to hear if you are taking up something new, be it a routine or a smoothie or a new mantra.

Spring IS the new You.

 If you are stuck, just look around you, everything is BLOOMING brilliant.

Jj

36 things I learnt from my Dad

 It was my Dad's birthday last week, and also Father's day is around the corner so I think it's more than appropriate to dedicate a blog to him.
Growing up, my dad was the disciplinarian of the family, but always there with a giant wuddle and lap to sit on. As I've got older I've come to appreciate the loving and comical side of my father, as well as admire his strength and devotion to everyone in his life. This list touches on the practical, profound and priceless things I have learnt from him.

1. Read everything. Or as we call it in our family- "sniff." Just as dogs sniff everything as they walk, Dad taught me to read signs, books, posters and papers whenever and wherever I could
2. Grow your own veges, trim your own trees, chop your own firewood and always compost your scraps
3. How to change a car tyre
4. How to change a bike tyre
5. A Moro Bar  (Mars Bar if you aren't from NZ) is a reward worth striving for- whether it's the prize for hitting a tennis ball against the wall 10 times or keeping your room tidy for a week. It's not about the reward, it's about the challenge
6. He taught me to love exploring the outdoors, especially the NZ beaches, forests, fjords and mountains
7. Tucking your pyjama top into your pyjama pants is the warmest thing ever

8. Sing all you can, and if you don't know the words, make them up
9. You must never stop learning- since Dad has turned 50 he has learnt the piano, to bake and use an ipad
10. Money is not for material things but making memories
11. Go to bed early and get your chores done in the morning
12. "Sniff" out the bargains and be frugal
13. Don't whine
14. How to play golf, netball, tennis, football, checkers, run and dive
15. Immersing yourself in another culture adds so much depth to your life
16. Afternoon sleeps aren't just for cats
17. You are beautiful the way you are and don't need hair dye, make-up and fancy clothes
18. Be sunsafe- the pic below says it all!
















19. Do your homework, and not just when it comes to school, but do the research for things before making a decision
20. Sneezes always feel better if done very loudly (the same applies to other body noises)
21. Family comes first (Cricket is probably second)
22. You don't need medicines when you are sick, rather sleep and liquids
23. Downshifting to use engine breaking when driving saves fuel and your breaks
24. Teachers learn from their students things they could never be taught
25. The little things are worth getting excited about- like lighting the fire, turning on electric blankets, and buying juice from the supermarket
26. Pray
27. Stretch and do push ups
28. Carpe Diem- over the past year, my parents have been to Tonga, the South Island, drove 11,00km across Europe and climbed Mt Fuji
29. Those who feel like they are last in life will be the first into heaven
30. Yelling at a broken computer doesn't make it better, but it makes you feel better
31. Something scarier than death is if you don't know or care what's going to happen to you when you die
32. You can be happy living in a small house with an outdoor toilet and 3 t-shirts, a couple of shorts and some sandals
33. A wedding is about the lifetime of love and partnership ahead not the day and the dress
34. Be patient
35. Socks are a great gift, and hand made cards are the best
36. Share your smile, your talent, your time and let your own light shine

I could go on about how "I am so lucky to have a father who......." but really I just can't wait to have a wuddle and a sniff together in Melbourne next month.

Every family is different, your list wouldn't be the same as mine, and it's our different origins that make us interesting.

What's important is we recognise and take the time to acknowledge those who have shaped who we are today, and give them credit for all the nose and bottom wiping, car pooling and fee paying.

For the story telling, spell-checking and sick note writing.

And the house moving, international visiting and collect calling.

Overall, it's the loving.

Love you Dad,

Jj x 

To confront or care.....

The line between being oversensitive, overbearing or a pushover is as foggy as your sunglasses in a steam room.

What I'm talking about is whether we confront or cower about things and people that upset us, or...not let them upset us at all.

Yesterday I had a participant of a class that begins 15 min after mine do a something I found quite rude and off putting. I mulled over whether to ignore it or ask her about it..... I chose the latter, and upon kindly asking her why she felt the need to encroach on my instruction, she rebutted and told me that I "have a problem."

Well, it left me feeling pretty lousy. I thought I was just standing up for myself in and adult way then a pretty small thing had turned to a bigger one and made me not want to return there if that's how I'm going to be spoken to. 

The people at the top noted what happened, and let me know that there are a few snappy old members around the place, I was not the first of the staff there who this has happened to.

Like the feeling of taking off your tight jeans at the end of a buffet, venting to my mother about it made everything better. I have dedicated a blog to her before, and still can't summons the words for how wise this woman is.

She reminded me that everyone is in their own shape for how we fit in society and get along in the world. 

One of these is fits is those with a "power theme", "control freaks" whatever you want to call it.

We might all have our power themes somewhere and just bring them out at different times-

Like the friend who, when you are out for a meal, doesn't let anyone eat till they take a picture of everyone and their food...

Or how your flatmate feels the need to direct you which way to go when YOU are driving YOUR car to the supermarket.

Or the mother who audibly judges then controls their adult child's choice in how they do their laundry.

The woman from yesterday was probably on her little power theme, and since standing up to it wasn't the best option, I just need to remember that she needs a chill pill.

Or a laxative.

She was probably full of shit.

Some people just need to let it go.

But if they can't, then you have to.

Don't let yourself be hooked into someone else's power theme. With severe control freaks we don't get bothered by them controlling everything because we know "it's just how they are" and they don't mean any harm by it. However not everyone is an outlier on the spectrum and therefore harder to ignore when they do something untoward.

To that I have formulated this mantra:

(The rhyming works best if said in a really okka accent, Kath n Kim style)

"You are in charge of how you feel,

Everyone else can take a chill pill.

Don't be reactive, imagine them with a lax(a)tive. Fight off the crocodile, give them a smile."

Jj

Jealousy and why I'll never be Beyoncé

As a performer I can get extremely jealous. 

Scratch that.

 As a woman I can get extremely jealous.

Scrunch that up.

As I human I get extremely jealous.

Yes. 

On Sunday I sung in just a wee soirée that my teacher puts on as a chance for her students to practice what they have been working on  in front of an audience. It's a totally safe environment, and everyone sings songs they are comfortable with.

I found myself admiring the various performers but at the same time getting quite jealous and feeling rather inadequate that I can't or never will be able to sing like they will. It's a feeling that bubbles up every now and again, and it even used to control me.

One thing my 'journey of self-discovery' - which is a fancy name for growing up and dealing with life has made me appreciate the classic- 

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

But when everyone else is better, thinner, smarter, richer than you, this can be hard to listen to. 

You don't hear the "be yourself" or see what is great about you because your eyes are too green.

Before these feelings make you or me want to go under the knife, or get out a knife, let's step back and listen to logic.

Logically, I know what there is no way I can sing and make the same sound as someone else because my head isn't shaped the same as theirs and the way the sound resonates around and out of the body can't be replicated by someone of a different shape.

What?

So because my head is a different shape to Beyoncé's I need to stop being jealous of her singing.

And Beyoncé's head is a different shape to Delta Goodrem's so she should be jealous of her singing.

(Or lack thereof)

(Lol Beyoncé, jealous, as if.)

To want what you don't have, and always feel a huge amount of dissatisfaction when comparing to others is even more common now thanks to idolising celebrities and even your friends who can take perfect selfies, go on the best holidays and do the most amazing craft projects.

So whilst you or I are feeling jealous, others are probably feeling it too. 

The way we perceive ourselves compared to how others perceive us is all relative to so many different factors like how we were bought up, what is important to us and our self-esteem. 

Toss all these into a pot along with some of the latest social-media image crafting and a dash of failure to meet expectations, it's no wonder it turns us green with envy.

Green is the colour of trees.

Trees are natural.

Jealousy is natural.

Recognising it as natural, and not letting it overcome you is key.

What is even more key, is to focus on our own paths to complete so there is no need to compete. 

"Today you are you, that's truer than true. There is no-one alive that's youer than you!"

-Dr Seuss

Jj

Exercise Caution.....

So this morning when I got to the gym to teach a Les Mills Bodystep class, there was a man on the step machine who was wearing what anyone else would call undies, as he was strutting around in a way that didn't suggest he lost his pants. He had the cheek alright. 

Maybe his bum ate them.

When he got off the machine I stopped myself from commenting on his shorts (or crack thereof) and instead said "using deodorant is no sweat you know." His response was, "excuse me honey, I'm off to the restroom and urine my way."

Then he pissed off. Cheeky bugger.

These are what they were like- except this is David Beckham which makes it less shocking (and much better) than what I saw in real life.

Only at Yarra Leisure Center would you encounter such beings. In my class I have some old classic ladies who comment on every song and always ask me for young anecdotes, like the time when I tinted my hair and it was the highlight of my day. I was also going to get my haircut but thought I'd mullet over first, as people who get complimented on their hair usually let it go to their head.

Other members who are in the gym during the day are pretty old, with their old white blood cells lymphing around their body, and whining about the air conditioning, volume of the aqua aerobics music and hair in the plughole. I overheard one say to the other "well SO-RRY that my new smile just has to denture ego." 

Make no bones about it, working at this center is an arm-full of fun and everyone puts elbow grease into their workout at the same time as finding the humerus side to it.

Like poor Jill, who broke her finger doing a clean and press. She didn't follow the rule of thumb and keep the correct grip, but she keeps smiling and coming along because on the other hand she is completely fine. 
Or Seamus, who always sports a nike tank top, bootlegs and a wee cap, and has been having troubles with his ankle. He tells me "my ankle is the arch enemy of my heel because my heel has a sole that could neither toe the line no keep instep."  I think Seamus is a literature lecturer part time because lots of the things he says, when taken literally can be quite confusing. 

Being someone who has a physical job like myself, I couldn't stand to be without my legs. It has it's perks, free gym and pool memberships, being paid to wake up and work out, and working and inspiring various characters and charac'tures......but I could never get tired of sleeping. Did you know that taller people sleep longer in bed? Just the idea of relaxing into bed at the end of the day makes me want to melt into it right now. I mean, I don't think I need a spine....it's holding me back.

I'm about to head off and do a boxing class. It's pretty rough, there's one guy with a beard and a sleeve tattoo who is really good at throwing hooks. I think he's a fisherman. Sometimes we do cross-fit exercises but that can suck if you can't get a grip.....

I'd butterfly off, I don't want to bee feeling the sting of tardiness to boxing class- it would make for a Rocky start.

Jj

*creative license has been used when talking about people

Except the man on the stepper in his undies, that actually happened. 

5,6,7,8 lessons from freestyling

Over the last three days I had the privlege of being a guest teacher at the New Zealand AJDA Congress (basically a big dance convention) in Wellington.

As well as teaching dance workshops, I also attended a couple, which were fantastic as I was being taught by teachers and examiners I had trained under as I was growing up. It was inspiring to be able to see these mentors though my now adult eyes.

One dancer/choreographer from Australia took an improvisation and freestyle workshop. It's funny that of the whole room of young dancers who had probably been training for at least five years, the majority were absolutely terrified at the idea of someone putting a piece of music on and having to dance on their own. I remember when I was in their shoes, and I guess the reason I am writing about this is to share the lessons I learnt about myself through dancing outside the comfort zone.

JB - https://www.youtube.com/user/PhlyCrew- took a fantastic session that helped the young dancers discover something new, and reconnected me with what I love- to move and create. Here's a list of some of the things he said, which are fantastic lessons for life, not only improvisation. I have added a couple too.

1. No one is ever going to be as good as me. I am never going to be as good as you. You have to have confidence in yourself as well as humility and respect.

2. You can learn more freestyling by yourself for 5 mins than I can teach you in an hour- when you experience something for yourself that's when the real lessons are learnt.

3. Feeling first, moving second, thinking last.   

4. If you turn off the part of your brain that tells you that you aren't good enough, everyone is looking at you and you are doing the same thing over and over, you can create some wonderful things.

5. Listen. The music tells you how to move, and not just the melody, the bass, the snare, the backing vocals- listen deeply and you can interpret it your way.

6. If you feel like you are doing the same move over and over, stop and change one thing about it to make it different.

7. Sometimes non-dancers make the best freestylers because they don't know any "rules" about movement. You can learn something from everyone.

8. If you say yes today, you have achieved something, and it will be easier to say yes to tomorrow. Saying no the first time only makes it harder to say yes ever again.

Jj

Mountain or molehill? Depends how you look at it

"The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up."

Chuck Palahniuk

Or in my case, look at everything from a small aeroplane.

I have been lucky enough to have a wee holiday in a truly beautiful part of my homeland- Christchurch and the Southern Alps.

Yes, since the earthquakes of 2010 and 2011, the beauty of Christchurch and many lives were destroyed. I haven't been to this city since it was completely transformed and the empty spaces and piles of rubble really made me think about how our days are too precious to waste on worrying about trivial matters or fritter away clicking refresh.

Then I got to marvel at the magnificent masses of land from a private plane, flying over Akaroa and near the alps. I didn't only feel positive and negative g-forces as we twisted and turned at various altitudes (the sick bag was at the ready but stayed folded up)

I felt so much wonderment at the stunning green rolling hills, blue water and snow dusted mountains. My jaw dropped, eyes opened, and heart sang. The freedom of flying through the air over such a wonderful landscape was surreal, a definite "once in a life time fly-by opportunity."

Looking at the tiny dots of buildings and freckles of people below, it made me think about how sometimes we can get caught up in our own bubbles- trapped in negative headspaces and look for freedom in the wrong places.

As I've written this, I've ventured through flat country road, heading towards the mountains, which look like a postcard 1km away. There are sheep, trees and the odd house. Right now, I'm on said mountains, and although there is wifi, the sparkling snow as far as the eye can see really does help put things in perspective.

There was so much natural beauty and stillness in the drive, and the sun shining over the mountains overwhelms me to the point of implosion. 

Looking at the grand wonders of nature, the towering trees and rolling valleys and then seeing people dotted along them makes me realise that whilst we humans "run the world" as we know it (although if you ask Beyoncé, girls run it but I can't finish this blog on a feminist rant) we as humans don't make up the world. There are so many other big things that are important than someone else's opinion of you, or someone else's actions.

As TLC said "don't go chasing waterfalls"  I want you to imagine your "bigger picture"  as a massive mountain- like this one: 

See it's big, but it's also beautiful, and when you snowboard down it like I did, you'll probably find it quite fun. Sure, you'll fall on your butt occasionally and get a face full of snow, but it's possible. If little ol' me could do it, then you can too.

Jj

Let them learn

I was fortunate enough to share some wonderful lady banter on Friday night. I remember getting all warm and fuzzy and thinking "gee, I am going to blog about this." Well, thanks to the various carbonated beverages consumed, I can't actually remember exactly "this" was, hence why so far last week's blog has been as non-existent as my tan. Apologies, and since then I have now learned that passionfruit is awesome especially when laced with vodka and whatever else that complementary jug contained........

So on the subject of learning things, in school you learn the lesson then are given a test. In life, you are given a test and learn a lesson. When we were at school, although it seemed like we were being a good friend giving our buddy answers to the test, we knew that this wasn't right because they need to learn for themselves. As adult women (and sometimes men, but I'm pretty sure they are more secret about it or somehow communicate in manly grunts we can't understand) we love to talk about and try solve other people's problems, especially those belonging to our friends.

Whether we know they could be getting themselves into a companionship catastrophe, a family fiasco, or lifestyle loo-dumping, we often ummm and ahhh and say "you should...." instead of "you could...." or even say something some of us really struggle to say-

Nothing.

See, to offer someone unsolicited advice is the presume they doesn't know what to do or can't do it on their own. It can be hard when you have an outside approach to something involving someone on your inside circle. But just like how reaching over your friend's desk and adding an answer or giving sneaky hand signals under the desk was stopping them from learning and growing, in grown-up-school of life, trying to give a friend the answers or show them the 'right' way isn't going to help them become an A+ adult.

When I was struggling with a spelling word and asked my parents, I used to get cross when they said "sound it out" instead of just spelling it for me. See, they were helping me find the answer out on my own, and be there with the praise or gentle correction if I got it right. 

Since most of you reading this are learning lessons at the grown-up-school of life, I want you to know I'm not suggesting that when your friend comes to you wondering if she should quit her job that you say:

"Sound it out- UN-EM-PLOY-ED"

Rather I am suggesting help them come to the answer themselves-

"Picture your life in 6 months if you quit, vs picture it in 6 months if you stay"

And then be there with the support regardless of the outcome as learning by experience is the best way possible. (I am going to be careful what passionfruit punches pass my lips from now on)

I don't really know how to end this since the crux of this blog has been about keeping advice to yourself.... so I'm going to aim to treat every test as a lesson, and no giving the answers to anyone else.

If we all work hard, we can celebrate out A+'s together.

With passionfruit cupcakes.....

Jj

Down to the letter.

To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.  ~Phyllis Theroux

I stumbled across a letter my mother wrote me last year, it fell out of one of my books, and I took it to bed with me, so that for the moment that I was reading it, it felt like she was there with me again, and the words she had thought so carefully to write were just as meaningful as they were the first time I read them. 

I also printed some of my digital photographs into actual ones, and relived memories flicking through them in my hands rather than on a screen.

In our times where a lot of us communicate quickly with picture messages, emails and just general "updates" to your "followers" or even just emoji, the ability to craft a letter and articulate how we feel is diminishing.

It's like because they put "selfie" and "twerk" in the dictionary, they had to take out "charm" and "dignity" to make room. And don't even get me started on grammar.

When I was at primary school in ye olde 90's we used to have to write letters for all sorts of things, most of them were to the Headmaster if you got in trouble or to a classmate if you sprayed fly-spray in their desk.* Whether we were apologising for bunking P.E, or accepting birthday parties; care was taken in the whole process, everything was thought out and formulaic.

*may or may not have been something I did when  I was nine.

The romance of being able to cherish how we share our lives with people in them is not the same. Photographs used to be something people dressed up for, had a good background, went to the chemist to get developed once they finished the film, and kept in special albums and showed to their guests when they invited them over.
Like this one:

And let's just compare this to what you see today....

Right......
See we lost a lot when we stopped writing letters or having to pay for each picture we took, because you can't reread a phone call.

For the first time, I received a genuine love letter, in proper handwriting on proper writing paper (that may or may not have been scented but I didn't want to stand outside my letterbox sniffing the mail for too long because my street has enough crazies on it as it is.) 

*cue soppy music*
With shaking hands I lifted the seal of emotion, and the words floated off the page and into my heart.
*cue swoon*
Yes, actions can speak louder than words. But beautiful words, ones that took time to compose especially for you in a letter, can speak to you as many times as you wish.


Good old Lord Byron said 

Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company.  

So maybe you are alone whilst reading this, and maybe there is a pen nearby. If 10% of you who are reading this pick up the pen and write and send a letter to someone (even yourself in 6months time)

Then you will make 100% of someone's day.

Signed, sealed, delivered.

Jj