Let them learn

I was fortunate enough to share some wonderful lady banter on Friday night. I remember getting all warm and fuzzy and thinking "gee, I am going to blog about this." Well, thanks to the various carbonated beverages consumed, I can't actually remember exactly "this" was, hence why so far last week's blog has been as non-existent as my tan. Apologies, and since then I have now learned that passionfruit is awesome especially when laced with vodka and whatever else that complementary jug contained........

So on the subject of learning things, in school you learn the lesson then are given a test. In life, you are given a test and learn a lesson. When we were at school, although it seemed like we were being a good friend giving our buddy answers to the test, we knew that this wasn't right because they need to learn for themselves. As adult women (and sometimes men, but I'm pretty sure they are more secret about it or somehow communicate in manly grunts we can't understand) we love to talk about and try solve other people's problems, especially those belonging to our friends.

Whether we know they could be getting themselves into a companionship catastrophe, a family fiasco, or lifestyle loo-dumping, we often ummm and ahhh and say "you should...." instead of "you could...." or even say something some of us really struggle to say-

Nothing.

See, to offer someone unsolicited advice is the presume they doesn't know what to do or can't do it on their own. It can be hard when you have an outside approach to something involving someone on your inside circle. But just like how reaching over your friend's desk and adding an answer or giving sneaky hand signals under the desk was stopping them from learning and growing, in grown-up-school of life, trying to give a friend the answers or show them the 'right' way isn't going to help them become an A+ adult.

When I was struggling with a spelling word and asked my parents, I used to get cross when they said "sound it out" instead of just spelling it for me. See, they were helping me find the answer out on my own, and be there with the praise or gentle correction if I got it right. 

Since most of you reading this are learning lessons at the grown-up-school of life, I want you to know I'm not suggesting that when your friend comes to you wondering if she should quit her job that you say:

"Sound it out- UN-EM-PLOY-ED"

Rather I am suggesting help them come to the answer themselves-

"Picture your life in 6 months if you quit, vs picture it in 6 months if you stay"

And then be there with the support regardless of the outcome as learning by experience is the best way possible. (I am going to be careful what passionfruit punches pass my lips from now on)

I don't really know how to end this since the crux of this blog has been about keeping advice to yourself.... so I'm going to aim to treat every test as a lesson, and no giving the answers to anyone else.

If we all work hard, we can celebrate out A+'s together.

With passionfruit cupcakes.....

Jj