I am writing this from a cafe where there wifi is relatively decent here. I've been trying to take refuge to write this post for a few days now, but was struck down with fever and dia-horrible-stomach-pain-arrea. (Edit....have had to chip away at this post since then; time, energy and inspiration have come and gone in waves)
The halfway point of my 200-hr yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, India, has been crossed; the routine is regular and more and more information is thrown at us. A couple of things have surprised me about this whole process, and one of the most beautiful surprises is how much love, especially unconditional love, is one of the foundations of yogic philosophy and practice.
When we greet people or start of finish class with "namaste," we hold our hands together in a prayer position at our heart centre. Wikipedia says "In Hinduism it is believed that God is present everywhere. Every person whether good or bad has God inside them. By saying Namaste means "I bow to the divine in you".
You only have to have a superficial conversation with a cashier to realise that sometimes the way we speak to each other isn't exactly from the heart, bowing to the divine in each other.
"Love yourself. Then you can begin to love others." I doubt this is the first time you have heard this one. It is a cornerstone that spans across cultures, religions and countries. One of the reasons why I am taken by its omnipresence here though, is that yoga in western society has been taken and pushed in the "bigger, harder, better" kind of way, with expensive clothing and membership to swish studios, people pushing their bodies into poses of an intense instagram standard.
One of the reasons why I decided to become a yoga teacher is to steer away from this mentality, as I have found myself eyerolling at and being repulsed by it within the fitness industry. Learning to love oneself is something that there are probably a million YouTube videos and wikihow posts and books about it, some of my previous blog posts have been exploring it (thanks to those readers out there who smile to themselves knowing such posts) yet truely, it needs to come from within.
Here we are taught that the guru is within us. Sure, the teachers can tell us facts and correct mistakes, but their duty is to make us realise our inner guru. This takes time, patience, trust and love (in ourselves). It also takes pushing boundaries, leaning into discomfort, and approaching things with curious wonder rather than fear, or not at all.
"Love, serve, remember."
3 words that summarise all of the Sutras of Patanjali (a scientific, systemised series of proverbs that teach us the path of yoga*.)
*not just the physical asana, the breathing, meditation, cleansing.
When we meditate, we are asked to focus on our heart centre or navel centre.
The navel is our lifeline; it's where we received nourishment when we were in utero. We feel our pulse through our belly button, we get 'gut feelings' 'butterflies in our belly' and 'sick to our stomach.' For a long time, and sometimes even now, self loathing and shame has stopped me from touching my stomach, or letting someone else touch it without me "sucking in." One of our teachers here lifted up his top to reveal his "one pack" during Pranayama (breathing.) He emphasised that 6-pack abs actually restrict the body from breathing diagraphamatically- which is not only efficient, but makes us calmer and more present (so that explains why gym rats are so highly strung.)
There's parts I have missed about unconditional love and how it is intertwined in yogic philosophy. There have been moments in class where things have clicked and flourished and made me wonder how to pass it on to you.
Finally, I guess the most wonderful resolution I have come to is:
I am able to understand all this learning about love so much more since entering the wonderful ride that is my relationship. I have not really wanted to share too much of that personal stuff on here; but it's fair to say that I am truely, madly, deeply experiencing what it is to love and be loved by someone other than my family. I don't know about the use of the word "soulmate."
I would rather use the word "home."
That's where my heart is, after all.
I bow to the divine in you, namaste.
Jj
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