The end of a year-a.

With one day left of 2016, many people are wanting to speed up time and kick 2016 out the door like a guest that stays at a dinner party well past coffee and cake and the hosts are looking at their watches and saying "gee, it's late" "hmm, I've got an early start tomorrow" "are you going to be ok getting home?" etc.

Normally, I have a mini freak out about the passing in time in general, forgetting the small successes and looking at the big things that I have or haven't achieved- this post from April 2015 confirms that, read it here.

2015 wasn't the best for me, so I was super keen to see the new dawn of the New Year with fresh eyes and fresh hair and fresh underwear. (A New Year's resolution that is relatively achievable, and far classier than I expected, as they say, it's what's underneath that counts.)

12 months on, unlike most other people on my news feed (which is, embarrassingly enough, the only place I am reading "news" at the moment) I am not wanting 2016 to end, because it has been a fantastic year for me. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count my blessings. 

If you are struggling to count your blessings, either because you have olives/Burger Rings/Doughnuts on your fingers, here is a list a friend shared that a dude in England called Matt Strange wrote. I could tell you more about Matt Strange, but I haven't stalked him enough as I was feeling a bit strange about it to be honest.

Here's the good things that happened in 2016:

There's an Ebola Vaccine now
Child Mortality - Down across the globe
+9% survival rate in pacreatic cancer sufferers
Gene responsible for ALS found
Volunteers in India planted 50 Million trees in 24 hours
Suicide rates down globally
The Ozone layer is repairing itself
The Rabbinical assembly issued a resolution affirming the rights of trans and non conforming individuals
MIND CONTROLLED ROBOT ARMS
Leo got dat Oscar
Wild tigers numbers up FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 100 YEARS
Giant Pandas - No longer endangered
A solar powered plane did a fucking world trip
Global Malaria down by 60%
Measels ERADICATED from the Americas
93% of the world's children learned to read and write - the highest percentage IN HUMAN HISTORY
China plans to be completely renewable by 2020 and has a global plan for by 2050
Huge global push in renewable energy
Norway committed 0 deforestation, 0
Every major grocer and fast food chain in the U.S pledged to use cage free eggs only by 2025
Manatees - No longer endangered
Wild Wolves - Back in Europe
Wild Salmon spawning in the Connecticut river for the first time since the American revolution
Columbian white tailed deer - no longer endangered
Green Sea Turtles - NO LONGER ENDANGERED
Sea World no longer breeding captive killer whales
Humpback Whales - NO LONGER ENDANGERED
Global aid - up by 7%
Americas most generous year EVER in charity and aid
China's most generous year EVER in charity and aid at $15 goddamn Billion

Yes, some famous people you liked died, and you know what - more of them are gonna go too

but take some time to look at the good and beauty in this world, good stuff is happening, learn it, support it, be part of it.

THANKS MATT!

Huzzah for all the animals not being endangered. If this list has tortoise anything, it's that we should be celebrating!

Jj

Of Comfort and Joy

Ahhhh, we are in the blissful period between Christmas and New Year where the stress of gift buying is over and the stress of having to set and achieve resolutions is a week away.

It's a time to do three of my favourite things- eating, reflecting, and drinking.

The drinking is sometimes a result of the reflecting (positive or negative) or sometimes the drinking is the catalyst of the drinking. The reflecting is a result of the eating and the drinking (negative) and the drinking is a result of the eating and reflecting and it's all one wonderful flow chart venn diagram that I would make for you but I don't have such software installed; so instead here is another diagram, which is kind of related and copied from the internet.

I have been lucky enough to soak up the family time and deliciousness and am feeling more than warm and fuzzy. Judging by the amount of cheese I consumed, I think warm and tubby is more appropriate- and since I ate so much cheese, I have every reason to make this blog post extremely cheesy. After all, you can't go on about Christmas Crackers without cheese.

Being the youngest of 4 children, our Christmas' have always been pretty epic, and this year was extra special because we had two new babies whose first Christmas it was. The way that they saw everything with such new, interested perspectives was refreshing and a wonderful reminder of what is really important. 

They received the most presents but were more interested in the paper. 

They were happy with just sitting on the floor together and playing with their feet.

They looked in our eyes for long periods of time and smiled.

They were more interested in cuddles than posing for photos.

All they want is comfort and they bring us much joy.

The sentiment makes more sense that way.

(cue reflective sigh)

(the kind of reflective sigh that doesn't require drinking rather cues another reflective sigh and slight worry about my early onset nostalgia for yesterday)

Here's a few things I have reflected on -

1. I got given many new pairs of socks for Christmas, which means I will be able to purge my old socks and throw them away. I reflected on how excited I am about this and how it means I must really be coming into my late 20s.

2. While writing this list I have sent 2 messages, watched a video and looked at photos which means I really need to sharpen my focus.

3.  2016 has bought me many things, though this past week has taught me there haven't been enough sunsets or beach bonfires.

4. I'm not 100% into symbolism, but I believe lightening bolts on things make you go faster.

5. The best presents I received was the presence of my whole family. (Be warned- It's that sort of reflecting that is the catalyst for drinking)

Jj

A message or a wank-fest

This is my second attempt at writing a post today.

The first is super bland, was going to be a collection of quotes about vulnerability and stuff because it's kinda poignant in at the moment and as they say, write what you know.

But I couldn't finish it because it feels inauthentic and just putting words out there for words sake and my last few posts have felt like that to be honest.  The 'Stories, Sentiments and sometimes Stupidity' of late haven't been so much any of those things because I have been trying to find the balance between giving honest tales from my life/keeping my private life private/lessons I'm learning and lessons in general, and as a result I haven't been *vomits in mouth* writing from my truth. *vomits on shoes*

It's like this

 This year I have been super fortunate to see lots of work and critique it and write about it and I have come to learn that unless we write what's real, it doesn't work as well. Kind of like the difference between low fat and real icecream. What's the point? 

Low fat icecream makes us feel kind of like we are having ice cream but it doesn't give us that satisfied "oh that was so good I am going to remember this" sensation that the real creamy satiating stuff does.

BUT..... Whilst we want to write/make/perform/sing from our truth (serve full fat icecream)- spread a message (give people deliciousness) or whatever, I believe it has to be done in a way that is still entertaining and clever (well presented Full fat icecream, not just fat and sugar). Hence we come to the enigma that is:

Creating with a message that isn't a wank-fest.

Sorry mum and dad and everyone else, I said wank. But that's just it- it's the fact that I've been worried about ruffling a few feathers lately that's made me write things which are a watered down-politicallycorrect-parentalguidancefifteen version of what I have actually been thinking. 

And really; how good a term is "wank-fest" ? Now I'm not Stephen Fry, but I betcha no other term suits what I'm on about.

It can be scary putting our truths out there like this. I worry every week that people aren't going to like or read what I write, and sometimes that fear has made me try change what I write to something I think they will want to read or like but that just compromises the power of it, like making icecream you don't like the taste of but you heard all the cool people like matcha so you make matcha icecream which tastes like poo let's be honest when people eat it they say
"How macha you charging for this shit?"

(sorry again mum and dad and everyone else, maybe your eyeballs need some safety equipment or trigger warning or something for these rude words I'm using...it was for the pun you see, soz had to be there totes lol FML.)

And no one eats it and you realise you should have made the full fat tasty icecream you liked instead of following everyone else, combined with adding good things to it that you might not think of, like chocolate chips. 

A wank-fest is defined as something completely different on Urban Dictionary to what I am using it for here. Here I am talking about when someone is putting on a show or a thing that is purely for their own benefit- "look at me I'm deep "  "look at my struggle depicted through this dance accompanied to the sound of hardcore violins" "I am so artistic I don't need an explanation for why you paid $30 for come and see us breathe and scream and pour water on eachother" (which might also happen at the Urban Dictionary version of Wankfest)

But how do we do this? I'm still figuring it out. For my last show, I couldn't have done it without the help of other people who tore it to shreds and put me in check (refer back to The Creative Process)

Anyone can let their deepest darkest or most loving or happiest or sexiest moments out for people to see. It's those who can make it entertaining and memorable who truly are the legends.

A message that comes from their experience but is put across to us in a way that makes us think of our experience which is unique but we connect all the same. But we need to have a little wank-fest to get there.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert 

"The middle bit is messy. But it's also where the magic happens."

And so here I am, finally completed a post with minimal copy paste, a slight ruffling of feathers, all truth and hopefully delivered in a way that is entertaining rather than ranty.

Let me know what you think...share posts that can educate me on this balance etc.

Jj

 

Get up, stand up

For those who know me, I am often dangerously confident- to the point of being intimidating.

But, like a delicious chocolate, I have a goey centre, and there are plenty of things that scare the hell out of me. 

Even while writing this my stomach is tied in knots, and I can't produce enough saliva to properly swallow the chocolate I just ate. 

Bravery is a concept I have often discussed in this blog. It's funny, I have no qualms about speaking in front of people (something many shake in their boots about) or worry about dancing like no one is watching. But some intimate confrontations and standing up for number one right now is what has me either giving myself epic pep talks or having to nervous pee every 20 mins. 

Wikihow gives us a fantastic set of steps to being brave. We learn bravery by naming and facing our fears, not letting them over come us.

Is the pain of not doing the thing you are afraid of greater than the fear itself?

Then do it.

When I was training in Gymnastics and Physical Education in Denmark, I learned to do crazy flips that I never thought I would have to do. One was a Tsukehara,  where you sprint up to a mini trampoline, put your hands on a vault that is taller than you, do like a roundoff into a back flip. I had someone spotting me, but every time I ran off to the side instead of jumping on the tramp and completing the skill. I got so wound up and mad at myself that when I finally did it, I couldn't believe what I was so scared about. 

We learn hopefulness through adversity.

We need to lean into situations where the outcome is unknown more often, grit teeth and feel the fear and do it anyway.

These things cost us nothing, (maybe a little dignity potentially) but enrich our lives so much. 

Sure, the knots are still there, but even people without guts of steel can get up and stand up when they want to give up.

If you have a lump in your throat or a knot in your gut know that there is magic in the world and in you- unleash it and see what happens.....I'm going to right this afternoon.

Jj

Don't say no to NOvember.

It's November. Spooky 

2017 is ever looming, and as much as we are hurrying up the warm weather, we are scratching our heads wondering why it's still not May. Or August.

But when I think back to this time last year, a hellofalot has happened and changed and grown and stayed the same.

Even if I think back to last month, a hellofalot has happened and changed and grown and stayed the same.

Does time go faster as we get older? Technically, no, but Phillip Yaffe puts it brilliantly when he says it's all to do with anticipation and retrospection:

Whatever the nature of our individual lives, we all anticipate things important to us. Then after they happen, we look back at them. For example, most school children look forward to the long summer vacation, which always seems to be an eternity away. Finally, it arrives. Then, almost before they blink an eye, it's over and they are back in school again.

Progressing from primary school to secondary school is another excruciating anticipation for a youngster, especially if the move is perceived as being an important step away from childhood into adulthood.

And so it goes. When anticipated, each new significant event seems to be excruciatingly far away. However, after the event, we regularly look back and exclaim. "Did it really happen that long ago?"

Our first love, our first heartbreak, driving a car, landing a job, marriage, etc. When we look forward, all these milestones seem impossibly far in the future. However once achieved, how quickly they recede into the past.

The older we get, the more milestones we have to look back on. So the farther and faster they appear to recede. So if sometimes the clock may seem to have stopped, the calendar always continues racing ahead.

I think retrospection is a beautiful thing. It helps us learn, change, and laugh when we have happy memories. It gives our lives texture. 

Fear of the future for me is more a fear of failure. That time will slip away and I will fail to do all the things I set out to do. But if we are forever running after the sand in the hour glass slipping by we don't get to stop and build a sand castle in said sand. 

Summer is here, so so soon, and I plan to stop and build a few sandcastles. 

Say yes to November, the looming festive season, which, as it is every year, is full on and creates much build up and tension. 

My show is on next week, after that I will have more time to consistently write on here!

Jj

Breaking wind.

Now that I have your attention, I thought I would blow on about the wind because there's quite the gale outside.

It's spring. Apparently.
Pollen is in the air, and our lungs.

The other day I had to get off my bike as I came to a standstill. I almost got strangled by my helmet. Luckily a house didn't land on me. 

These torrid turbulent times are very unsettling.
Apparently more crime happens on windy days. You can see why, with all that noise, debris and hair getting stuck in your lip gloss.

Mark Twain said

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

Why am I talking about this? 

Because I have run out of other things to talk about.

That's not true. There's heaps going on, things I feel that might be nice to share in here but I'm not quite ready to.

Windy days test us. Maybe that's why "Tempest" rhymes with "test." hmmm. perhaps not. Sounded better in my head, I couldn't really sound it out though because there was so much whistling going on in there.

This morning it was still and I could hear the birds. It's one thing to listen but another to truly hear.

I have had to listen to a few of my dreams and intuitions lately and am going out on a limb for people I care about because the noise is getting too loud.

We can only go on so long listening but not hearing. Eventually, hopefully things will sink in.

I'm being vague here. The hope is that it's making you think about something you haven't been hearing. Or someone who hasn't been hearing you. 

I guess that's the hope with all my more insightful personal posts, that my me opening up something, you see that we all have these feelings in our own complex different ways, and sometimes we need a little nudge to listen to them.

Before I blow out any more hot air, I'm off.

Jj

Skinny jeans and silly things

For the past week, I have been getting at most 5 hours sleep. I am preparing for my newest Cardio comedy cabaret : "Confessions of an Aerobics Instructor"

I have also been looking for a job (hire me!) and reviewing a ton of Fringe shows. It's all go and it's awesome, but means I have been super lax when it comes to writing this.

Did you know that being sleep deprived is like being drunk? You might wake up with peanut M & Ms in your bed and hair but you are less likely to eat them in the morning if you are sleep deprived. There's a story about that but it's for another time, and this is also the reason why this post is going to make little sense.

I have been chained to my computer leeching wifi off cafes all around the inner North like someone who hangs around a guided tour of a museum to overhear the facts without paying for the guide.

Yesterday I hurt my knees because I rode my bike in skinny jeans and they were so tight they pulled my kneecaps around.  

The next day I rode my bike in a dress, the chain fell off just as I was getting on the train. A man pointed it out to me, so feeling the pressure of sticking it to him and showing that I was a capable modern bad-ass babe, I began to fix it. Clad in helmet, backpack, jacket and sweat, I tried fixing my chain on a moving train. Not easy. The dude held the bike for me, I held the chain, the handle of the train, and my dress as they all moved at various parts of the journey. Got there in the end and got chain grease on my face which stayed there until halfway through leeching at another cafe's wifi, did I look in a mirror and realise.

I had an interesting interaction with a group of guys at 711 on Friday night. It was a long weekend in Melbourne because of the AFL Grand Final, and town was heaving. I had just been to see/review Strassman and was meeting the camera man to organise my shoot for show promo (at 9.30pm after waking up at six after going to bed at 1)

I did the unthinkable in this city of amazing coffee and was getting a $1 coffee from 7/11 to keep me going- then a bunch of dudes ageing 26-35 (I reckon) came in getting several waters, lolly pops and chewing gum. Wired as hell, the dude next to me said "woah, you are on a whole nother level than me right now." I looked back into his dinner-plate pupils and said "Yes. You are VERY awake." Then got chatting to them about my night, how I DARED to drink 711 coffee in Melbourne, which they bought my coffee for me, kindly. We shared some Allen's snakes outside the 711 as I told them about my show. One of the guys comes out (also dinner-plate pupils) and goes "hey, you go to my gym." Turns out his name is Brad and we do boxing together and yarn. He seemed somewhat uncomfortable talking about health and fitness when he was clearly retoxing.

 Anyways the dudes set off, giving me five and saying "Gee, it's so cool to know there's awesome people like you in Melbourne doing what they love." They offered me to keep the snakes but I told them I had a feeling at 5am they would be needing some sustenance and thank me later.

The great thing about having minimal sleep is you get to cram so much fun into one long day.

Yesterday when rehearsing a dance to Def Leppard on a table I realised the tradies outside were getting a good show. The are working on the gas meters meters away from my living room window.

Because my brain is submerged in writing jokes for my show, to finish, here is one I have not written; found on Twitter:

Off the grid

My final week in Cambodia begun with a splash.

I was sitting on the deck above the river drinking a mojito, took my phone out to admire the picture of the sunrise i took that morning from my riverside bed, and my iphone 6 slipped through the cracks of the deck and into the river. This was salt rubbed into the wound as my laptop has broken here, the DSLR camera I borrowed to film my classes stopped working, and I was locked out of my gmail for a day.
Safe to say I need technological and emotional first aid.

Or do I?

I thought for 10 seconds about diving in after my phone, but it was post midnight and the water is dark enough during the day time. So, I realised this could be a blessing in disguise. And writing this after a 30 minute power cut, I think the universe wants me to finally stop and smell the starlight.

This morning I was woken to the sun streaming into my bungalow. I had no idea what the time was, and a friend came over to take me to breakfast. I stared out at the street instead of checking last night's feed or pictures from the previous night's party. We then went up the river to some rapids. It was thick jungle and the water was fresh and clear. We saw two other westerners the whole day, and the locals were enjoying their Sunday dip. The smells of the street kitchens, the river and petrichor from the rain that followed mixed with the sounds of the birds and motos that passed this narrow street. I still didn't know what time it was.

I was supposed to do other stuff with other people that day but had no way of contacting them and it felt so nice to just go with the flow. I got to do something I probably wouldn't have done otherwise, and the fact that I have no photos to take but wonderful memories to retell is making me feel better.

Sure, I miss the photo of the sunset I took on my phone the morning before from my bed. I miss the sweet little messages I saved and the late night ruminations I wrote in notes.
I'm not missing the feeling that I always need to respond to people, compare myself to them, project my best self and need to obey the clock.

When I think back to said deck, I'm going to remember the time when I did a flip off it into the river, the time when I laid on it in the sun and got awkward tan lines, the times when I sat up there looking at the stars and sunset or still mornings, and the time the odds weren't in my favour and my iphone slipped through the cracks.
Cry me a river.

Loosing your phone is as niggly as a mosquito bite on your second toe.
But if you ignore the itching, the feeling will go away.
If FROZEN has taught us anything, it's to LET IT GO.

So I'm trying it, being off the grid.  
I'm writing this from the guest house that's been so good to me during my technological trauma. They must think I'm very highly strung or addicted to Facebook. 
Hopefully with a few more days phoneless I'll be neither.
I'm going to sign off before another powercut.

Jj

Perspiration, Patience and Persistence

I'm not complaining about it.

I haven't been able to wear makeup for weeks because it slides off my skin in this South East Asian heat. Most of the sweat comes from teaching dancing, riding my bicycle and eating curry though.

The classroom I'm mostly working in has no fan. It's 32 degrees and outside the kids are burning rubbish. Yes, the rubbish from the classroom is dumped at the back of the school and burnt there. The smoke wafts into the open windows and unsettles my already unsettled stomach. They are un-phased. Some are wearing jeans under their school skirts, ready to work.

One of my main aims in working as a volunteer for Move teaching dance in schools in Kampot, Cambodia, is to try and push the children to be creative with their bodies themselves. They are great at copying me (got Gangnam Style down) but when I ask for them to do their own thing, it's resulted in them either copying me or doing nothing. Until this week. I got them to do an activity I learnt from Sarah Boulter (renowned Australian Contemporary dance choreographer) where the students pretend they have an eyeball on their elbow and the eyeball has to see every part of the room, so they have to find ways to move to make it do so. After a slow start, there was a room of organic, unique movement. The next time around, they copied me again, but we got there eventually.

Most of the kids have minimal English. While I think I am good at communicating visually, my gestures are for English words, not Khmer. From what I have seen, they aren't an over the top physical culture anyway. I would be lost without the local teachers here, who translate and also teach me how to teach them, what they respond to, etc. It takes a lot of patience and persistence to get an instruction across.

Next week we are doing a performance of two dances and a Maori song and dance I have taught them. Normally, before a performance of any kind, I'm running or having intense rehearsals where we do it over and over, cleaning each movement, and if anyone has missed more than one rehearsal, they usually can't do the performance. In 32 degrees and no fan, these conditions make things somewhat different. Whatever effort these young people make is an achievement. 

I won't miss wringing out my t-shirts, but I will miss a lot more.
Like the 75 cent beers I'm about to go and drink. 

Jj

Kampot: comfortably outside the comfort zone

I'm 1.5 weeks into my month stay here in Kampot, Cambodia, where I have come to teach dance as a volunteer to kids in schools. 

This place is amazing. There's resorts, rivers, bars, cafes, yoga, great street food and wonderful people. It's pretty comfortable to be honest, still, it's not Kansas/ Melbourne/ Wellington.

It's rainy season, mosquitos, hot, challenging and the pace is completely different. 

So whilst I can be comfortable, I'm trying to be outside my comfort zone.

Like the other night, where I played guitar and sang at an open mic.....I've been teaching myself guitar for 4 months and it was the first time I played in front of anyone who wasn't my cat or a few friends. Man, I sucked. I wanted to run away, far far away. The last time I had that feeling what when I was teaching a pump class still drunk from the night before (long ago; for that story, you need to come to my show!)

The work I'm doing teaching dancing is same same but very different to anything I've done before. Simply getting the students into groups takes 5 minutes. As cliche as it sounds, it's very rewarding. When they get it, they clap and say thank you and I just want to take them all home. 

The pace and way about doing things has been a test to my patience, I'm not normally someone who is comfortable with disorganisation or breakdown in communication. I'm learning that just like the dogs that run the streets here, there's some things you can't control.

I often talk about bravery and leaning into discomfort- basically trying to get comfortable being outside the comfort zone. The more we do this; the bigger our zones become, and things that seemed scary or things we would never do before we learn to cope with, manage, and perhaps even enjoy. It won't happen though if you don't try. With my sad state of strumming at open mic, I know that next week won't be so bad, and if it is, I'll just tell a knock knock joke which will either be better or worse than my playing depending on the crowd. 

For now, I'm going to focus on what I can control, which is enjoying this pourover coffee and planning the up coming classes.

Jj

Middle Talk and Five minute friends

I read an article, I want to say in one of the glossy lift outs of the Sunday paper, but it could have been the interwebs about the concept that is middle talk. It's the step above small talk, where we have authentic connections with people rather than an average un-energised run of the mill interrogation.


Although being vunerable and asking a more in depth personal question can be scary, I'd choose it over the conversational version of a stale rice cracker any day. Asking people what they do for fun rather than to make a living, or what the most challenging part of their job is. Lately something I've been asking is if people would rather be able to beatbox or breakdance. Slight curveball, decision is often split. It's tricky though, because sometimes you just don't want to talk to a stranger, like me with my uber driver on the way to the airport on Sunday morning when I'd had about 45 min sleep and he had had none and wanted to play bangerz and I wanted to sit in silence (but not live with feaaaarrrrrrr, ooooohhhh whhhoooaaaaa whoooaaaaaaaaaaaa)

I've been making all kinds of middle talk for the past month as I have been on the hunt for a house, housemates, and subletters. It's like speed-dating, the ultimate challenge to put one's bestself out there.

Another concept that has been introduced to me is that of a five minute friend. A lovely lady I met in T2 (a fancy tea shop that has delicious samples and amazing brewing accessories) told me about this. You get that feeling when you walk into a shop like this one, where the sales assistant is so welcoming you end up talking about things other than the "just browsing for a birthday gift." I talked so much to this new five minute friend I ended up finding her custom jewellery company and she made me an amazing crystal (more on that later.)

I have made many Five minute friends over the million minutes of my life. Most of which are drunk girls in the bathrooms of clubs, one was a dude in a sauna who turned out to be in the psyc ward, another was while waiting in line at the night markets, a guy who loaned me a pen to fill out my departure card one time and many people at bike shops, shoe shops, health food stores and trams. 

What makes a five minute friend? 

An openness, honesty and good sense of humour
I guess it takes confidence to strike up or continue a conversation with a stranger from the usual niceties to something more enticing. 
You never know, five minute friends can turn into 15 minute friends which turns into Facebook friends, or even better, phone number friends and next thing you know you have free tickets to an art exhibition that has free alcohol and free soap (well that's in the bathroom which is part of OH&S but it's Aesop which is a luxury item and sweetens the scent of the deal somewhat) and just like that, you have a real friend.

I say it almost as much as I say "hugs and smiles are free"- but for those of you who haven't read this in a post of mine for a while- in a world where are are so connected it's so easy for us to go through the day and not connect with a single person who passes us by. When you are on hold on the phone with your internet company, five minutes is a long time. Make it a good time, every chance you have.

Apologies for no witty pictures on this post, my laptop can't right click and I have no mouse. Instead, I'll leave you with this haiku about middle talk and five minute friends.

I look in your eyes

I don't know you now I do

I feel like I'm home

Jj

Musings on the Moon.

This week I have found myself feeling somewhat lacklustre. Is it the because it's grip of winter, there's a lack of food in my fridge or the reaction I had to all the Mexican food I ate in the weekend? Can I do the rap to all of Shaggy's "It wasn't me" ?
The answer to these questions is perhaps.

I'm about to take on a massive challenge that is volunteering in Cambodia teaching dance, and am trying to get as much writing for my new show and other things done before I go, so have begun to burn the candle at both ends. 
My body is sore and tender from life, burpees and rehearsing for a gig I have the day before I go.

As I was editing the track I'm performing to, I couldn't help but stop myself and realise how the lyrics in such a timely fashion instantly put things in perspective. It made me think how music and lyrics are so fantastic that they can do this, so thought I'd share it with you.

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs.Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft

And you feel that you've had quite enough

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving

And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour

That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned

A sun that is the source of all our power

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see

Are moving at a million miles a day

In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour

Of the galaxy we call the 'milky way'

Thank you Eric Idle and the rest of Monty Python for the beautiful Galaxy Song (look it up next time you are perusing YouTube)

It was a full moon last night. A full clear moon, far far away in the sky. I have looked up at that same moon all through my life. So have you. There's been times when I've been happy, you've been sad, and we have looked at the same moon. Or vice versa. I've looked at the moon with someone who I don't look at it with anymore. I've looked at it in places I used to go but don't anymore. It's still there, beaming down in whatever phase it is, regardless of how we change, grow and come up against the bad and the good. 

I like to think of the Man in the Moon as my mate. As the nice old man at the local green grocer who gives you extra ripe bananas because he knows you make a lot of smoothies. His constant gentle smile is unwavering. Sometimes he's hidden, but he's still there, giving you a reassuring look, that he will be there for you tomorrow night, and the one after that.

It's a comforting feeling, isn't it? How space is so vast and complex but can seem so simple because it's far away. I guess this week, that's what I needed. To put things a little but further away to see their vastness and beauty.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, do yourself a favour and take some time to look at the moon;

because sometimes, we just need some space.

Jj

Lonerism

Last week I went to two cabaret shows by myself. When a friend asked me why, I responded with "I'd rather go to something by myself than miss out on it altogether"

As I have said multiple times before, we live in a world where FOMO prevents us from committing to plans- be it a birthday party, date, or show (read my post R.E.S.P.E.C.T the RSVP).

 I have found that I have missed things because my potential date hasn't committed to coming or booking tickets, and I have let the fear of going to something alone stop me from doing what I want.

"They call us lonely when we're really just alone" (Aztec Camera from the song "Oblivious").

That sums it up, there is the difference between being lonely and alone. I can be alone and connecting with the show I'm watching, book I'm reading or sights I'm seeing. Or, I can be with other people and still feel lonely, feel disconnected.

Sometimes being by yourself gives you the freedom to have interactions with other people you wouldn't normally speak to....

Sometimes being by yourself allows you to say and do things you wouldn't do if you were in the company of someone you know. (Like wear your bike helmet on the train and eat your salad with your hands.... That's a random example I just made that up, it's definitely something I have never done every Tuesday) 

This picture has nothing to do with the topic of this blog post. Unless you are reading this alone, then I guess it is the right whimsical combination of wit and heart that just makes you want to share it with your friends and follow me on Twitter, a place where you are never alone.

Is Lonerism as popular as activism, feminism and X-Ray vision? 

You tell me. 

I don't have anyone to ask, plus I'm busy not missing out on things alone. 

Jj 

OUCH!

OUCH!

What is this

I don't really know

man it hurts

and I'm starting to go

I think I'm going to die

the blood is like sap

and as I suddenly realize

I'm stuck in your trap

I think I'm gone now

I'm no longer here

to you I'm a memory

a thing in the air

and according to you

the air isn't there.

Well, actually, it's a poem I wrote when I was 13, BEFORE FACEBOOK.

I don't recall it being about an ex as I was boyfriend-less from age 11-18, and my main teenage dramatic angst reference points were musical theatre, Alanis Morisette and Avril Lavigne. 

Still, I stand by it. 

The poem, I mean, so am sharing it with you. 

Jj

Now is the winter of our discontent

I feel it in my fingers..... I feel it in my toes.

Winter is here. The scent of mulled wine drifts through your snot-laced nostrils and you haven't seen your upper thighs for weeks. Salad is out, soup* is in.

*When I say soup I mean sticky date pudding.

I have written a few posts about the seasons and the winter because has such a great effect on our daily environment and activities; just take a look at any day in the U.K. over 23 degrees where everyone is compelled to lay shirtless in parks and get out the kaftans they bought on a girls weekend in Lanzarote (Lanza-grotty.)

After enduring two northern hemisphere winters, one in Denmark where I was able to move around the academy where I was living via tunnel and never have to go outside, I realised the value of vitamin D-eterminaton to survive the winter. 

Whilst I love building a hibernation nest out of blankets, movies, salty snacks and cats and waiting for the leaves to turn green again, this winter, I'm determined to make the most of it and make the gray days great.  

That's right. Layering up with colourful knits and scarves and socks over mittens over tights hand knitted into a mermaid tail, or something like that. 

Going to movies, galleries, plays, night markets, night meerkats, and every pub within a 2km radius. 

Hot yoga, hot dogs, hot flannels, or combine them all by doing hot down dogs wearing flannel. 

What ever it takes so that you aren't shaking from shivering but shaking from embracing and laughing with your friends, your lover or the friendly person in the plane isle next to you who loaned you a pen and because the flight only has 80 people you are all friends. Oh whoops that was just me. I think you get it. 

Don't hold back, lean into it. Get excited about the fact that it's dark and cold but you are going to layer up like a wedding cake and go walking when everyone else is inside. There's no harm in a chicken parmigiana (unless it's not free range chicken then we have an ethical dispute which is grossly off topic.) But I can't wait to go crazy for curries and stews and spices, the ones that make your nose and eyes water and put hairs on your chest, which is needed this time of year. 

We may be in the winter of our discontent but I'm hot with enthusiasm and want to spread the heat. 

Join me! 

Jj

A centurion of stories, sentiments and stupidity. 100th post!

To be honest, I should have got here a lot sooner than what I have.... 
If I had any consistency with when these things are published I would have reached this 'milestone' probably a year ago. ahhh shoulda woulda coulda.

When I started this, I wanted an outlet for my writing because at the time I was doing mostly physical work and finding it not much knack for the noggin. Since then I have gained multiple outlets for my writing and have subsequently become slack on the bloggin.

But, as I click posts of the past, I can track my thoughts at that certain time of my life, discoveries, laughter and stories that I have been lucky to share with some devoted and some random followers.

I know the design could be better, have more pictures and link to other things I do, but the focus is on the writing and the content and maybe by my 150th I'll have all that sorted. 

So to 'celebrate' here is the links to the most popular posts of the last three years. (if this wasn't the 100th post I was going to write something about self-sabotage but the wallowing writing can wait)

Let it go, Let em Flow 
Dinner Thyme
36 things I learnt from my Dad
A Procrastination Poem

And here's to the next series of sibilence and obscure metaphors. Deliberate rhyming and cringe worthy puns. Young person's street wisdom and lists about things to do in a heatwave. Lessons shared, problems mulled over and random ruminations. Growing through expressing, making big thoughts easy to understand and lols. Many many many lols.
For you I say-

Jj

The Vampire's Diary

Between 3-5 times a year, I stay awake all night, and go until the next day.

Last Friday night was one of those. I had a dance gig at a rad Electroswing evening- with live bands and djs and Steampunk themed cogs and flying machines. Ended up at an after party in a warehouse in an outer suburb of Melbourne, and the next thing I know I'm freestyle rapping on the crisp morning pavement to the beat of a bongo drum and my alarm is going off because it's time to go to the gym. I didn't quite make it that day.

It's a strange feeling making your way home with your false eyelashes looking in opposite directions at people who are walking their dogs and watering their gardens.

But there's something about seeing daytime turn into nighttime turn into daytime that is eerie and refreshing.

The experience of the new day breaking is energy enough to power me through before hitting a wall at about 11am.

Still, this Vampire has no thirst for sleep yet.

With teased theatrical hair and remnants of all kinds of glitter, I was a sight. Some people complemented this new look, care factor was minimal. I couldn't really say "I woke up like this" because I hadn't been to sleep.

"Maybe she's born with it- maybe she never sleeps"
?

Desire for fruit salad and green smoothies is high. Desire to deal with anything without wearing sunglasses is low.

Highlight #1: My nephew was born 18.29 UK time. I was awake to hear the news. Obviously

Highlight #2: Ubers are easier to get at 9.30am Saturday 

Lowlight #1: cutting a pineapple with a bread knife approx 7.00am

Highlight #3: eating said pineapple approx 7.04am

My very first Vampire experience was when I was 17 and went to a friend's holiday house on Sylt, a rich island off the coast of Germany. We came out of the nightclub at 5am, and being European summer, it was light. Once we recovered from being able to see who else was coming/ stumbling out, we got our euro bikes and went for a swim in the sea. With a start to the day like that you can't possibly go to sleep!

Every all nighter since then have left me feeling somewhat dusty but more recharged than what one would expect. I put it down to the sunrise. Feeling cold then warm again. Hearing the bats then the birds. Drinking beer and tea at the same time. Frightening commuters.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Well, it's my 99th post.

I started this blog in 2012 and called "Stories, sentiments and sometimes stupidity" because I am a sucker for sibilance and all the above. My Vampire weekend (I wonder if that's where they got their band name from) is also all the above. From waking on 5.45am Friday to sleeping at 9.30pm Saturday I shared and heard stories, sentiments and tons of stupidity...it just took me a few days to process, recover and work up to it.
And about 3 days to detangle my hair.

Any suggestions for a 100th post are welcome!

Jj