To confront or care.....

The line between being oversensitive, overbearing or a pushover is as foggy as your sunglasses in a steam room.

What I'm talking about is whether we confront or cower about things and people that upset us, or...not let them upset us at all.

Yesterday I had a participant of a class that begins 15 min after mine do a something I found quite rude and off putting. I mulled over whether to ignore it or ask her about it..... I chose the latter, and upon kindly asking her why she felt the need to encroach on my instruction, she rebutted and told me that I "have a problem."

Well, it left me feeling pretty lousy. I thought I was just standing up for myself in and adult way then a pretty small thing had turned to a bigger one and made me not want to return there if that's how I'm going to be spoken to. 

The people at the top noted what happened, and let me know that there are a few snappy old members around the place, I was not the first of the staff there who this has happened to.

Like the feeling of taking off your tight jeans at the end of a buffet, venting to my mother about it made everything better. I have dedicated a blog to her before, and still can't summons the words for how wise this woman is.

She reminded me that everyone is in their own shape for how we fit in society and get along in the world. 

One of these is fits is those with a "power theme", "control freaks" whatever you want to call it.

We might all have our power themes somewhere and just bring them out at different times-

Like the friend who, when you are out for a meal, doesn't let anyone eat till they take a picture of everyone and their food...

Or how your flatmate feels the need to direct you which way to go when YOU are driving YOUR car to the supermarket.

Or the mother who audibly judges then controls their adult child's choice in how they do their laundry.

The woman from yesterday was probably on her little power theme, and since standing up to it wasn't the best option, I just need to remember that she needs a chill pill.

Or a laxative.

She was probably full of shit.

Some people just need to let it go.

But if they can't, then you have to.

Don't let yourself be hooked into someone else's power theme. With severe control freaks we don't get bothered by them controlling everything because we know "it's just how they are" and they don't mean any harm by it. However not everyone is an outlier on the spectrum and therefore harder to ignore when they do something untoward.

To that I have formulated this mantra:

(The rhyming works best if said in a really okka accent, Kath n Kim style)

"You are in charge of how you feel,

Everyone else can take a chill pill.

Don't be reactive, imagine them with a lax(a)tive. Fight off the crocodile, give them a smile."

Jj

Jealousy and why I'll never be Beyoncé

As a performer I can get extremely jealous. 

Scratch that.

 As a woman I can get extremely jealous.

Scrunch that up.

As I human I get extremely jealous.

Yes. 

On Sunday I sung in just a wee soirée that my teacher puts on as a chance for her students to practice what they have been working on  in front of an audience. It's a totally safe environment, and everyone sings songs they are comfortable with.

I found myself admiring the various performers but at the same time getting quite jealous and feeling rather inadequate that I can't or never will be able to sing like they will. It's a feeling that bubbles up every now and again, and it even used to control me.

One thing my 'journey of self-discovery' - which is a fancy name for growing up and dealing with life has made me appreciate the classic- 

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

But when everyone else is better, thinner, smarter, richer than you, this can be hard to listen to. 

You don't hear the "be yourself" or see what is great about you because your eyes are too green.

Before these feelings make you or me want to go under the knife, or get out a knife, let's step back and listen to logic.

Logically, I know what there is no way I can sing and make the same sound as someone else because my head isn't shaped the same as theirs and the way the sound resonates around and out of the body can't be replicated by someone of a different shape.

What?

So because my head is a different shape to Beyoncé's I need to stop being jealous of her singing.

And Beyoncé's head is a different shape to Delta Goodrem's so she should be jealous of her singing.

(Or lack thereof)

(Lol Beyoncé, jealous, as if.)

To want what you don't have, and always feel a huge amount of dissatisfaction when comparing to others is even more common now thanks to idolising celebrities and even your friends who can take perfect selfies, go on the best holidays and do the most amazing craft projects.

So whilst you or I are feeling jealous, others are probably feeling it too. 

The way we perceive ourselves compared to how others perceive us is all relative to so many different factors like how we were bought up, what is important to us and our self-esteem. 

Toss all these into a pot along with some of the latest social-media image crafting and a dash of failure to meet expectations, it's no wonder it turns us green with envy.

Green is the colour of trees.

Trees are natural.

Jealousy is natural.

Recognising it as natural, and not letting it overcome you is key.

What is even more key, is to focus on our own paths to complete so there is no need to compete. 

"Today you are you, that's truer than true. There is no-one alive that's youer than you!"

-Dr Seuss

Jj