Sometimes the people who don't appear to 'deserve' our help are the ones who need it the most.
Babies cry, toddlers act up, teenagers push boundaries, and sometimes adults become horrible people when they need our attention, our care, or just our company. Not many people put their hands up to help wash the stinky* person, but it's the stinky* person who needs washing the most.
What if you know that stinky* person? Or you knew and cared about the person before they were stinky*? Maybe now that they are stinky* you find it hard to stay close to them because you worry that you might end up stinking* too, and you hope they might rock up to your birthday or coffee date not stinky* but they do, and therefore you feel pretty #stink.
* I am using stinky* as euphemism for whatever the issue, ailment or struggle this person may have that can make them appear undeserving of our help; be it mental illness, a gambling addiction, or have been through a bad break up and are struggling to function if it doesn't involve pajama pants and icecream
# Here I use #stink as an actual expression instead of a euphemism.
For those of us who are faced with a stinky* person in our lives, it can be pretty scary. What if your compassion gets thrown back in your face, all that effort you put in to trying to be a good friend, mother, brother, boyfriend, and all the person does to thank you is continue to be an emotional drainer. We start to grow weary and realise that it's not much fun for us to hang out with a stinky* person, so stop making the effort, especially if they seem to be making no effort to stop being a #stink person.
I understand that, I abide by that, and have often found myself consciously putting friendships on a fade out because they have started heading in a direction I am not prepared to head down.....though I have also realised that when you stop expecting people and situations to be perfect, you can start to appreciate them for who and what they are, especially if you knew them before they stank.*
Put a peg on your nose and look in their heart not their hairy, stinky* armpit.
(Once again this is a metaphor)
At the same time, keep your wits about you. The purpose of this blog is not to try encourage everyone reading it to suddenly become Saint Mother Theresa, rather make you reflect for a second, the times in your life you have been stinky* and needed a wash, someone to help you even though you were really gross and didn't want their help.
Who gave you judgement, who gave you compassion?
Who saw your dirty face, who saw your hidden fragility?
If this has not been you, I would like you to think of it this way- The more love you get that you don't deserve, the more you can give it out without wanting anything back.
I have written in a previous blog, that smiles and hugs are free. In our age of broadband, mobile phones and all, reaching out to someone can be done by reaching all the way over to the "new message" button on your iPad. (or equivalent) Sure, it might suck for a bit doing this, people might question you, warn you about getting/staying involved with a stinky* person. If you remember the saying "nothing will change, unless you do" and know that your purpose isn't to be a saviour or life coach but someone to drink milkshakes with, then your drop in the bathtub could be what is needed to combine with some suds of personal determination and help make a lather thick enough to wash all the stink* away.
“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha
Jj
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