This is mostly for me.
But from talking to lots of woman, this is for you too.
Guys, I know you feel this way, even if it's not as acceptable for you to talk about it, and if you don't, reading this might help you get what your partners, your daughters, your friends are going through, not always, but more times than is helpful.
There have been various posts of this nature by me over the years, and many more I want to post but don't, because these thoughts are pretty personal.
But, a few things lately have sparked me to do this.
I teach yoga and fitness at a forensic mental health facility, which means I have the option to be active most days. We can also do health coaching for staff, and the other day some of the ladies at work, who are now friends of mine, came in to weigh themselves for the first time in the year, after the holiday season.
Before any woman steps on the scales around me, I want to hold their hand, look them in the eye and tell them that whatever the number says is just a number. (I do tell them this, sometimes just without the hand holding.)
I want to tell them that it's just a representation of their gravitational pull on the ground, not on the way their eyes sparkle when they see someone they love, or makes them any less competent or interesting.
I want to tell them that they have the choice to pay as much or little attention to the number if they want.
They can tell it to go and get stuffed.
I tell them if there's other things in their life that are demanding their focus, like a child, a new house, a sick parent, or a stressful job, it is ok.
That the holiday season is to be enjoyed.
To remind them that we have been brainwashed by the media and "the man" (man!) to think that beauty fits one, smaller size, and that we fail as women if we are outside this.
That yes being healthy and strong is important but spending too much time on the physical side of this is not all that hot if your head is weak and a horribly smelly place.
That their body is a vessel for a spirit. When one thrives, the other does.
I guess it's nothing new, we are told these things all the time.
Then we work to accept ourselves "as we are" but when "as we are" is now 2kg heavier than "as we were" it is the worst.
I want to tell women all of these things because I have to fight bloody hard to tell myself them on a regular basis.
The past few days, the fight has been too hard.
I was set off by seeing some pictures of me teaching a dance and yoga workshop last weekend, and having to to sew a costume, which means trying on tight things and spending time in front of the mirror.
In the pictures I don't see the 24 people I taught moving behind me. I don't see the compliments people gave me on my ability to make yoga accessible to them for the first time.
I see the way I look.
I am not going to say any adjectives in here because that's feeding into the negative self talk, and that is not why I am writing this.
I don't see the costume I made by using problem solving and winging it, making up a pattern from a pair of shorts that I have never done before and calmly sewed it for the first time on the machine from the 50s I inherited from my late Ma. I see the mirror reflecting vibes that don't serve me, yet I absorb anyway.
The mirror doesn't reflect back the smile on my niece's face when I send her a snapchat.
Women, I am so sorry we go through this. Not all of us do.
I am so sorry for all of the times I have not been present in my life because I have been fixated on things I cannot change.
I am sharing this, not to receive your reassurance, but to reassure myself.
One of the gifts these years of headfuckery (sorry, I can't think of any other way to put it) has given me is the ability to make other people feel better in their bodies. Because I have to constantly do it for myself.
I'm grateful for that.
I loved being at Woodford Folk Festival over new year and getting to appreciate the beauty of all ages and shapes.
It is with this that I am reminded of the African concept "Ubuntu."
I am, because you are.
If I can see the beauty in other women (without comparing myself)
Then I can see the beauty in me.
And so can you.
Here's a few punchy helpful suggestions of things to do when you aren't feeling the love
1. Do a karate kick like you are smashing down a door and say "back off, bad vibes!"
2. Slap your butt, maybe grab a bit and think how juicy it is.
3. Roll around on the ground. Or just lie on the ground
4. Make up some kind of rhyme or rap to make the sitch ridic
5. Remind yourself that most body satisfaction comes later in life, so just go along with it for now.
6. Wear power pants, or no pants, which are also power pants.
7. Every time you fail at body acceptance, remember you haven't failed because you know body acceptance is an actual option! (working to accept it, rather than change it.)
8. NOTHING.
I love you.
Jj
But from talking to lots of woman, this is for you too.
Guys, I know you feel this way, even if it's not as acceptable for you to talk about it, and if you don't, reading this might help you get what your partners, your daughters, your friends are going through, not always, but more times than is helpful.
There have been various posts of this nature by me over the years, and many more I want to post but don't, because these thoughts are pretty personal.
But, a few things lately have sparked me to do this.
I teach yoga and fitness at a forensic mental health facility, which means I have the option to be active most days. We can also do health coaching for staff, and the other day some of the ladies at work, who are now friends of mine, came in to weigh themselves for the first time in the year, after the holiday season.
Before any woman steps on the scales around me, I want to hold their hand, look them in the eye and tell them that whatever the number says is just a number. (I do tell them this, sometimes just without the hand holding.)
I want to tell them that it's just a representation of their gravitational pull on the ground, not on the way their eyes sparkle when they see someone they love, or makes them any less competent or interesting.
I want to tell them that they have the choice to pay as much or little attention to the number if they want.
They can tell it to go and get stuffed.
I tell them if there's other things in their life that are demanding their focus, like a child, a new house, a sick parent, or a stressful job, it is ok.
That the holiday season is to be enjoyed.
To remind them that we have been brainwashed by the media and "the man" (man!) to think that beauty fits one, smaller size, and that we fail as women if we are outside this.
That yes being healthy and strong is important but spending too much time on the physical side of this is not all that hot if your head is weak and a horribly smelly place.
That their body is a vessel for a spirit. When one thrives, the other does.
I guess it's nothing new, we are told these things all the time.
Then we work to accept ourselves "as we are" but when "as we are" is now 2kg heavier than "as we were" it is the worst.
I want to tell women all of these things because I have to fight bloody hard to tell myself them on a regular basis.
The past few days, the fight has been too hard.
I was set off by seeing some pictures of me teaching a dance and yoga workshop last weekend, and having to to sew a costume, which means trying on tight things and spending time in front of the mirror.
In the pictures I don't see the 24 people I taught moving behind me. I don't see the compliments people gave me on my ability to make yoga accessible to them for the first time.
I see the way I look.
I am not going to say any adjectives in here because that's feeding into the negative self talk, and that is not why I am writing this.
I don't see the costume I made by using problem solving and winging it, making up a pattern from a pair of shorts that I have never done before and calmly sewed it for the first time on the machine from the 50s I inherited from my late Ma. I see the mirror reflecting vibes that don't serve me, yet I absorb anyway.
The mirror doesn't reflect back the smile on my niece's face when I send her a snapchat.
Women, I am so sorry we go through this. Not all of us do.
I am so sorry for all of the times I have not been present in my life because I have been fixated on things I cannot change.
I am sharing this, not to receive your reassurance, but to reassure myself.
One of the gifts these years of headfuckery (sorry, I can't think of any other way to put it) has given me is the ability to make other people feel better in their bodies. Because I have to constantly do it for myself.
I'm grateful for that.
I loved being at Woodford Folk Festival over new year and getting to appreciate the beauty of all ages and shapes.
It is with this that I am reminded of the African concept "Ubuntu."
I am, because you are.
If I can see the beauty in other women (without comparing myself)
Then I can see the beauty in me.
And so can you.
Here's a few punchy helpful suggestions of things to do when you aren't feeling the love
1. Do a karate kick like you are smashing down a door and say "back off, bad vibes!"
2. Slap your butt, maybe grab a bit and think how juicy it is.
3. Roll around on the ground. Or just lie on the ground
4. Make up some kind of rhyme or rap to make the sitch ridic
5. Remind yourself that most body satisfaction comes later in life, so just go along with it for now.
6. Wear power pants, or no pants, which are also power pants.
7. Every time you fail at body acceptance, remember you haven't failed because you know body acceptance is an actual option! (working to accept it, rather than change it.)
8. NOTHING.
I love you.
Jj
A big high five from me to you Joana!
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