Warning: rant (followed by some fluffy stuff)

NOTE: This post was written in the heat of the moment. I used writing as an emotional outlet which was very useful at the time. In a flurry of fast typing I then had to try simmer down, patiently sit in this dark, uncomfortable, angry zone. It helped me get perspective; which I have now. After some time and sunshine I came see that the light on the other side is forgiveness.

It's hard to forgive in times like what you are going to read about below, as we feel that by not forgiving a person, we have some kind of power over them. The only thing that does in fact, is make us stew and pickle and give us more wrinkles and disease and be generally unpleasant. 

I after writing this rant and coming to some clarity on WHAT it was I was feeling; I could step back and look at the sides of the coin and see HOW I was feeling about it; and then, the golden one- what I was going to CHOOSE to feel about it. 

So, to put the post in context, I had tried calling someone who was cowardly not responding to me and then discovered they BLOCKED ME on Friendsfacebook.

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warning: rant.

Right. So normally I try to have very uplifting lighthearted messages on here. That's the aim. But; my current sentiment (This is Stories, Sentiments and Sometimes Stupidity after all) is that what is the appropriate way to communicate has gone very skewed, and people are getting away with being dishonourable and thinking it's ok.

There's a part of me that really wants to name and shame the ways that this has happened in my life this week, but that's just adding fuel to the fire. I will instead give you as much allusion to the situations as possible and you can join the dots yourself, just like what you have to do when you hear an announcement over the loud speaker at the train station which is just a muffly voice saying "can all the passengers going to *rustle rustle* at *rustle rustle* o'clock go to *rustle rustle feedback* and *squeak rustle fuzz* cancelled." 

People who I have had adult relationships with who I loved very much- just not answering my calls or messages because of getting the pip or being too afraid. It seems like it is too easy these days to just hide and delete "read receipts" and turn phones to silent or aeroplane mode, thinking that you are saving face but all you are doing is loosing respect and slowly chipping off your own integrity; setting your moral compass off course- but of course your moral compass has been replaced by a GPS. SIRI gently telling you which route to go to avoid tolls, traffic, or being honest about why you can't respond to a message. 

I think the reason it is really digging the prickle into my shoe is that it feels like this is a reflection on me. That I choose to accept and surround myself with such people and behaviour. Is blogging about it going to help?

Maybe it's going to let my readers know that this happy go lucky, freckled, cheesy pun maker can be a force to be reckoned with and is becoming less and less afraid to stand up to that flim-flam. Sure, actions speak louder than words and writing about it on the internet makes me as weak as every other keyboard warrior, but at least writing about it helps me understand it better, so I can decide where to from here. 

I thank my lucky stars that I have been raised and kept on track by my parents and siblings, and have some mates who have fully called me out on my stuff; made it hurt, cut me off, but at least been honest about it. It sucked at the time to receive some intense phone calls, text messages or letters telling me that I was completely out of order, disappointed them, and they don't want to see me again, but at least I wasn't left drifting in no mans' land getting annoyed while pressing REFRESH.

Because that is everything less than refreshing. 

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end rant. (i got interrupted and subsequently cheered up)

My brow has since unfurled, breath rate decreased. 

It's like the calm after the storm. Luckily the storm was held in private rather than unleashing publicly and causing mass destruction that could have taken a long time to rebuild (like reputation or relationships, for example.)

In a timely manner, I discovered this page in "Rising Strong" by legend Brene Brown.

Integrity is:

choosing courage (calling me back even when you know you have to own up to doing a dodgy)

over comfort (hiding/blocking/ignoring)

Choosing what is right (maintaining a good moral compass, keeping relationships respectful)

over what is fun, fast or easy (hiding/blocking/alluding to topics/making jokes)

and choosing to practice our values (I am forgiving these people and am brainstorming ways of getting back in touch)

rather than simply professing them (writing this/ranting no end., especially on facebook, like "Some people need to ....")

And..... exhale.

Thank you Brene, and thank you for coming along with me on this rollercoaster. I would love to hear if this happens to you and what you think.

And now, for the most awesome meme I saw this week:

Jj