A poem about a reno

We have kicked up a stink
as the bathroom leaks
from upstairs to down 
water through rotten cracks
dripped in my tea as I sat drinking below

A rental with minimal rent
and minimal rights
and minimal influence
Emails fly, things take months to approve
We can shower at the gym
just fix the floor and roof

It's done on the cheap
the crusty, the stinge.
Like an episode of Fawlty Towers
They start, but don't have the right tools
they leave and return a week later 
with hardly anything done except
cement down the toilet
rubbish in the courtyard
and a vanity that's the wrong size 

(cue Benny Hill theme)

Ray the Tradie is a good egg
he looks like a pirate, 
wears a bandana and has dreads
He wants to have a jam on the guitar
that would have been swell
if he hadn't taken 2 weeks off,
and we still stink.

One month with no shower has turned into two
We shower at the gym
or under a watering can under the avocado tree
some people would pay good money for an outdoor shower
or an abundance of avocados.
We have both. 
And a sink in the sitting room

It's a strange feeling
knowing you are someone's last priority
you are itchy, 
when hygiene is genuinely reduced
to wet wipes and hose downs
Bright sides abound, think
of third world countries 
where you can't shower or drink the water.

How much wetness does a wet wipe want?
The real estate guarantees compensation
I need to pay my friends a fiver each
for putting up with my greasy demeanor
and letting me shower at theirs
and not even bring my own shampoo.
Sham-who?

More updates to come....
here's a picture of me and the rubbish the tiler left
in the courtyard.

I look like that because he left it on top of my kale
and I've been malnourished ever since.

Spare a thought
spare some suds
spare your cousin's work mate's husband's brother; the plumber, what's his name?
Dwane?
Get Dwane to come and put some taps on would ya.
Look him up, "Pipe's Plumbing" I think they are called- his name is Dwane Pipe.

You rippa

Jj