Looking after Tomorrow's me.

It's Saturday evening and your friends are going for drinks.
You know the weather is going to be good the next day; perfect for going running or to the markets. Do you:
a) decide to go to these drinks and leave just after midnight so you can make the most of your Sunday.

b) decide to go to these drinks and also invite friends like Mr Hendricks who will be wearing a Bombay Sapphire suit, Jack Daniels who is also a member of the Canadian Club, and Captain Morgan who sometimes gives a bit of Southern Comfort. Also you might go see how Colonel Saunders has been keeping those secret herbs and spices later. 

?

Before you think I'm an alcoholic, try this one:

Tuesday night, you are cooking dinner; and your fav tv show starts as you pop your meal in the oven.Do you:
a) watch the show and check on the meal in the ad breaks, then retreat to the couch and scroll on phone/remote

b) watch the show and check on the meal in the ad breaks then whilst in the kitchen with the boards and knives still messy, prepare tomorrow's (healthy lunch)

?

Well, for some reading this now, the answer is easy.
However when we are in the situation, the answer is harder to find.

So try answer the question with another question:
"What does future (insert your name here) want to do?"
Eg
"Will future (Joana) be happy if I have all of the TimTams?"

Looking after our future selves can be a great way to approach it.
"Guys I'm having the best time, gonna go home as I'll thank myself later"

And you do.
*fist pump

Or, Weds morning you thanks Tuesday night you for making its' lunch."Gee, thanks yesterday's me"

And then, you need to remember that feeling. The "man I'm glad I did that feeling"

Hopefully you will try do stuff to get that feeling back..

Or if you wake up and say
"Why did I "drink"that much last night?"

Remember that feeling. The "man I really should not have done that" feeling.Hopefully, it's a feeling you seek to avoid.


Maybe you do wake up with that "negative feeling" and future/present you doesn't feel that bad about it. Well that's cool, yay to indifference and the ability to get over stuff.


(Coz there are enough people in the world who will beat you up mentally, you don't have to do it to yourself)

I dunno, as we approach the weekend,  I guess this is what I learned from last weekend, when Saturday 8.30am Joana was not that grateful to Saturday 3.am Joana who thought staying out 2 more hours would be fine, and that helping a friend move house would be just as easy on minimal sleep and maximal blood alcohol level.

In contrast tomorrow morning Joana is going to thank tonight's Joana as I post this then go to bed.

What does future you want to do with this?

Jj

Dinner Thyme

The first time I had a dinner party, I was pretty chicken about having people over. See for starters I was going to do it all from scratch, and when you do it like that, it can cost and almond a leg. I even googled what you have to do to make butter, and the whole process leaves little margarine for error, which really made my stomach churn. See my friends have pretty high standards, if I put on a crumby dinner party, I'd get a roasting. The steaks were high to say the least. 

I was thinking of doing a poultry dish, but wasn't sure if I could wing it; it could be a huge cock up if I got it wrong so I went to the fish market to see what was the catch. I asked the monger, whose name was Gill, what he recommended for a dinner party since I didn't know what I could flounder, so he snapped something and put it on the scales. Just as I was thinking his metric system seemed a bit fishy I remembered I had invited Drew, who was vegetarian. He'd only just become a veggie because he couldn't make ends meat. Well that made my fish plans sink, so I just hoped that on this rare occasion that I was having my first dinner party, he might just eat meat.

I was getting stressed; my list was too long, I had too much on my plate, so broke my plan into bite sized pieces and decided to do a tapas style dinner instead, allocating the starters and dessert to my friends. I relished the fact that I'd mustard the strength to split up the tasks so I could ketchup on lost time. Some might say that bring-a-plate style lacks taste, I say it's a good way for a first time host like myself to have their cake and eat it too. 

Basket jam packed, I set off along my whey, brie-fly visiting the delicatessen (though it was so crowded I wondered if I camembert-it) I went to take a sample but the lady behind the counter slapped my hand and said "That's nacho cheese!"
It a-pear'd that sample wasn't free after all. I wanted to fig-ure out a way to stop feeling so blue about the hours ahead, so I thought about my sweet friends I had invited.

I whisked inside and started scrambling around for spoons, ingredients etc. I almost boiled over when I saw that I forgot to buy aluminum. 30 min before guests arrive and my plans were foiled. Just when it was crunch time, I put the potato chips in the bowl; and the first guest arrived.....

It was Anna. Anna, thank goodness, bought the wine. I'd heard through the grapevine Anna knows her wines, and although I wanted to whine about how I feel like I've been scraping the barrel, I just downed a glass and then felt grape.

Then came Emma and her boyfriend, Keith, who I hadn't met. They were on starters, and as soon as Keith walked in with a bunch of flours I knew we'd be the pesto friends. Emma had made pickles but spilt it on her top so I guess you could say she was in a bit of a dil-emma.

Then Beth arrived. Beth is a good egg, we are great friends and I always crackup at her yolks. She made some sort of amazing chocolate torte, I told her I didn't know how she did it, she told me it was a piece of cake. Icecreamed when she said was on a diet, coz for someone who didn't find oranges a-peeling, I found that hard to swallow. To say I was a trifle concerned about how successful this diet would be is pudding it nicely.

When Drew, the final guest came with non-alcoholic-punch, I knew that inviting a vegetarian was a missed steak. Drew, the food snob of the group, looked around and told me "I yam impressed, orange you glad you decided to savour the delight that is dinner party hosting? The tapas look sub-lime!"

The conversation wasn't corny, we talked till our voices went husky.

Jj

Just a little drop of compassion

Sometimes the people who don't appear to 'deserve' our help are the ones who need it the most. 

Babies cry, toddlers act up, teenagers push boundaries, and sometimes adults become horrible people when they need our attention, our care, or just our company. Not many people put their hands up to help wash the stinky* person, but it's the stinky* person who needs washing the most. 

What if you know that stinky* person? Or you knew and cared about the person before they were stinky*? Maybe now that they are stinky* you find it hard to stay close to them because you worry that you might end up stinking* too, and you hope they might rock up to your birthday or coffee date not stinky* but they do, and therefore you feel pretty #stink.

* I am using stinky* as euphemism for whatever the issue, ailment or struggle this person may have that can make them appear undeserving of our help; be it mental illness, a gambling addiction, or have been through a bad break up and are struggling to function if it doesn't involve pajama pants and icecream

# Here I use #stink as an actual expression instead of a euphemism. 


For those of us who are faced with a stinky* person in our lives, it can be pretty scary.  What if your compassion gets thrown back in your face, all that effort you put in to trying to be a good friend, mother, brother, boyfriend, and all the person does to thank you is continue to be an emotional drainer. We start to grow weary and realise that it's not much fun for us to hang out with a stinky* person, so stop making the effort, especially if they seem to be making no effort to stop being a #stink person.

I understand that, I abide by that, and have often found myself consciously putting friendships on a fade out because they have started heading in a direction I am not prepared to head down.....though I have also realised that when you stop expecting people and situations to be perfect, you can start to appreciate them for who and what they are, especially if you knew them before they stank.*

Put a peg on your nose and look in their heart not their hairy, stinky* armpit.
(Once again this is a metaphor)

At the same time, keep your wits about you. The purpose of this blog is not to try encourage everyone reading it to suddenly become  Saint Mother Theresa, rather make you reflect for a second, the times in your life you have been stinky* and needed a wash, someone to help you even though you were really gross and didn't want their help.
Who gave you judgement, who gave you compassion?
Who saw your dirty face, who saw your hidden fragility?

If this has not been you, I would like you to think of it this way- The more love you get that you don't deserve, the more you can give it out without wanting anything back.

I have written in a previous blog, that smiles and hugs are free. In our age of broadband, mobile phones and all, reaching out to someone can be done by reaching all the way over to the "new message" button on your iPad. (or equivalent) Sure, it might suck for a bit doing this, people might question you, warn you about getting/staying involved with a stinky* person. If you remember the saying "nothing will change, unless you do" and know that your purpose isn't to be a saviour or life coach but someone to drink milkshakes with, then your drop in the bathtub could be what is needed to combine with some suds of personal determination and help make a lather thick enough to wash all the stink* away.

“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha

Jj