It's only awkward if you make it awkward

Lots of people like to say "it's only awkward if you make it awkward." Yes; this saying can mostly be applicable. For example, if you accidentally walk in on someone in the loo, you can apologise and back off or you can start trying to explain yourself whilst making it obvious you aren't looking then realise you are still standing in the toilet door when you should be minding your own business and leave whoever is sitting on the toilet to do their business.

"It's only awkward if you make it awkward" if you get drunk and vomit on your boyfriend's shoes. Or when you get drunk and fall over onto the road. Actually when you get drunk in general can tend to make things awkward especially if you get drunk and fall over onto your friend's face and end up pashing them for a good 40min till you realise that you have to see them at school the next day and it will be SOOOOO AWKWARD (but only if you make it awkward) so in avoidance of such a situation you attempt to bring it up, laugh and high-five about it but that goes all wrong and suddenly you accidentally slapped their butt and it's worse than last night.....plus you have a hangover.

One thing some of my peers and I commonly find a dubious dose of awkward is the limbo between a handshake, kiss, hug, fist bump and high five that we have when we greet people.

I'm talking about when you meet someone (normally a friend of a friend) for the first time and they go for the handshake then you pull them in for a kiss but not a hug and they went for a hug so you kiss their ear and they don't get a hug but a bump with your chest, then you back off from each other as sheepishly as someone who was busted picking their wedgie at work. Or you really just don't know what to do so stand there with your arms hanging lifelessly at your side and give them a wee smile and say "How ya going yeah good nice to meet you not bad thanks" simultaneously. 
Now THAT is awkward.

It's even worse when the stakes are higher.....last week I had to cross the street and re-do the greeting I had with a friend (the one whose face I fell over onto and pashed years ago, hence stakes of awkward being higher) as we moved our heads side to side to find the customary kiss on cheek then hug greeting but almost kissed on the lips and things got almost got more awkwardly heated than the "Next week on Days of our Lives" teaser.

If you are lost at what actually happened here, it's ok. 

I am too.

I just hope it is not going to happen again.

I guess because we now live in such culturally diverse societies, all types of greetings from around the world have become an option. Being from NZ I had a small issue with kissing on the cheek upon greeting like the Aussies do, yet no issue giving a hongi which is the touching of noses. Then the cheek kissing became natural and difficult to hold back when I returned to NZ. Latinos and some Europeans have no problem with kissing and hugging and touching everyone, Anglos can be more held back, and in India, Grandparents are not to be hugged, you are supposed to touch their feet and receive blessings for a long life, a speedy marriage, numerous children, etc. Kissing is a big no-no. Only infants are to be publicly kissed. Got that?

Maybe we need to invent some sort of universal signal that shows what sort of physical greeting you are up for. Some people have different physical barriers, and a good handshake is better than a bad hug. But a bad handshake?

I'd rather have a head butt. 

Then at least I'd be unconscious to notice if it's awks or not. 

Jj

49 activities for 40 degrees

40 activities for over 40 degrees

Ok, there's currently a heat wave in Melbourne. Every day this week has been over 40 degrees, most of our minds are hazy. Here's my solution-

These crazy temperatures probably won't be happening again so might as well create some memories.

1. Find a way to fit comfortably in your   fridge 

2. Freeze everything

3. Drink water 

4. Wear a sweatband shamelessly

5. Eat ice cubes like potato chips

6. Drink iced tea like it's not a cop out for coca-cola 

7. Finally wear those harem pants you got in Thailand 

8. Drink iced coffee in 2 mins before it boils and spoils

9. Swim in a fountain 

10. Drink beer

11. Eat icecream 

12. Drink beer

13. Be naked

14. Spend extra time in the freezer isle

15. Use talcum powder instead of moisturiser

16. Drink the icy pole you bought to cool you down but melted by the time you opened it

17. Light a fire inside to cool down

18. Roast a turkey by putting it in the 

porch 

19. Do Bikram yoga in your bedroom

20. Drink a slurpee

21. Swim in a slurpee

22. Compare sweat patches with friends, most surface area coverage wins

23. Strap freezer packs to your body like a suicide bomber

24. Try panting like a dog to see if it cools you down

23. Play "Hot in Here" by Nelly on repeat

24. Wring out your pyjamas

25. Go back to activity 13, how dare you!

26. Eat a raw chili for a refreshing snack

27. Post a fb/twitter update with #melting #hairdryer #notcoping on there somewhere

28. Rap "Vanilla Ice Ice Baby" instead of going for a run. You will be just as breathless

29. Be more naked

30. Use "Stay Cool" as a salutation and smile smugly at the double meaning

31. Loiter in air conditioned areas and if questioned- faint, or pretend to

32. Drink a beer slurpee

33. Fry an egg on a park bench

34. Take the chance to wear swim wear as outerwear without anyone being upset about it

35. Enjoy some shade by turning the harem pants from no. 7 into a small tent

36. Freshen your sweaty self up in a public bathroom basin like a hobo

37. Hunt down aircon like a backpacker hunts down free wifi

38. Have an accidental chocolate fondue party in your car

39. Go into any clothes store and ask the person working there what it's like working in a sweat shop

40. Chill out

Year of the horse: from majestic to manure.

The diary has been bought, hair cut happened, and it's more than about time for the first blog for 2014.

Whilst people have thrown out old calendars, posted about resolutions, new beginnings, and are thinking about how much money they blew over the festive season, and how their detox is going, I am posting this. 

My 2013 ended with a series of thought provoking events and experiences that I have hung up in the memory wardrobe and processed and learnt from. These lessons managed to distract me from the fact that the number of tummy rolls I have has probably gone up and my bank balance has most definitely gone down.

However I have decided to CHOOSE LIFE. The boom boom is in my heart because really, there is no price I could put on spending time with those I love. I took multiple flights and taxis and happily took out the credit card because it would give me at least another hour with loved ones.  Mastercard's campaigns really sum it up (no pun intended), because some things are priceless.

Flights, dinners, accommodation and all these things add up (including taking their toll on ye olde waistline- yes, that old doughnut) , however, the conversations and moments I have shared with people who I have for the first time in years finally seen, or who have flown to see me, I would not trade for anything, and would pay an overpriced rickshaw driver to take me back to them again if I had to.

It's interesting how the timing of things work, as the first two weeks of this year of the horse has been a bucking ride through the deserts of intensity, intervention, intellect and insight. As perplexing as this is, I guess focusing energy on finding the light and lessons in the darkness and drama is what is getting me through a tricky tangled triangle of friends and loved ones......this is a whole different blog altogether though the one I wanted to write last week I never did and now, believe it or not, a WHOLE LOT OF STUFF has happened, as it tends to do, and therefore is overshadowing the idea from two weeks ago, just like when you get the proportions of onion in a salad wrong and it overshadows the taste of the feta, so you have to eat something new or different to fix it.

See currently I find myself teetering on the balance of being supportive and being suggestive, not giving advice or answers but more shining the light down avenues so that the people I care about can learn on journey themselves- something else which is priceless. What does one do when they feel the person who needs to travel cannot read a map? Yes, Siri our GPS and life-chum is pretty good at spoon feeding us from A to B, but she makes mistakes and runs out of battery. Sometimes we gotta look at the signs and figure it out ourselves.  (I am speaking metaphorically here, however I feel like it might be almost too metaphorical and you reading this could actually be lost and then you really will need Siri to help you- or you can just comment and ask me what I mean...)

So though I spent the dollars on seeing people I care about, I know that the WHOLE LOT OF STUFF that happened that I referred to before, the manure part of this year of the horse, cannot be fixed with the dollars. See I spent the dollars on the flights to buy time, (busses are cheaper but take longer) And in terms of helping clean up this tainted tricky triangle business I am in, the thing that needs to be spent the most is time. 

SPENDING time- how much does that cost?

We know it's priceless- what we wonder is if it's WORTH IT.

Jj