The art of ASKING.

I haven't posted in a while*
*Probably the most commonly used introduction on this blog.

Sigh.
I have been not so much busy in the calendar but busy in the brain and has meant I haven't landed on a solid topic.

For the past month, I have been running Donation Yoga classes at a small yoga space in North Melbourne. My last post "I am Grounded" was some musings after the first one.

The classes since have gone well; whilst the numbers have been small, a few friends or friends of friends; I like it, as it's intimate and a great space for people to ask questions, and still a great chance for me find my voice in class.

Here's a shot of me teaching at a friend's farm for her birthday festival weekend. 

Still, the past couple of weeks have been a struggle. Like any project driven from the ground up, I have to not only organise the class, the venue, the playlist; but then get people to come. Just like my shows as a cabaret comedian, my shows and gigs, my friend's gigs, boyfriend's gigs and all, I have to ask people to come. 

Promote, hashtag, txt, message. 

"Can you.....?" "Are you...." "Hey!"

When you ask someone anything- be it "will you come to my class?" 

"will you help me with my job application?" 

"do you love me?" 

- you have to be vulnerable... you have to push through the shadow of shame and take that leap of faith, that time when your breath pauses and you wait for the response. I have banged on about how in our time of FOMO, not RESPECTING the RSVP, that the response is often nonchalant, or not followed through with.

There has been times where I have stopped being invited to things because I was never able to make it.

There has been times where I have stopped inviting people to things because they always flake out. 

I look back on this and hate that I have lost faith in people close to me; that I thought they have run out of chances, that they are not worth it.

I can't help but get invested when someone takes interest. Sometimes my responses to their excuses why they didn't come have a slight bitter sting. 

That's because it hurts.

People wonder why you aren't doing those shows or playing music or making things anymore. They didn't come. 

Sometimes myself and other artist friends don't want to host parties because we are sick of the asking and the letdown that follows.

To continue to ask, without fear, takes courage. It is, as Amanda Palmer puts it- "The Art of Asking"

It's rather timely that my mantra for this week's class, the class where I am questioning whether it is worth it running the classes, whether it is worth it to txt those 8 friends to follow up if they are coming or not is "I am enough."

There's nothing like only two people confirmed they are coming to your event to make those feelings of low self worth come in.

The thing is, I know that I am worthy. I know I am a vibrant, engaging teacher and performer. I have told myself "build it, and they will come." I know that I have a tenacity that will never put my fire out no matter how much it rains. I know that even though I doubt my abilities as a writer this blog has given moments of light to some, but also made others question my intensions. 

I'm writing this maybe to give you a bit of what myself and some people go through. I'm writing this for myself to be a meaningful reminder to go back on next time I get sick of asking. 

I would ask you to comment on if you feel the same, if you have anything to add, as I would love to hear from you. I believe that you are worth asking, and worth hearing from.

Till then, I shall remind myself "ask, and one day, you shall receive."