Breaking wind.

Now that I have your attention, I thought I would blow on about the wind because there's quite the gale outside.

It's spring. Apparently.
Pollen is in the air, and our lungs.

The other day I had to get off my bike as I came to a standstill. I almost got strangled by my helmet. Luckily a house didn't land on me. 

These torrid turbulent times are very unsettling.
Apparently more crime happens on windy days. You can see why, with all that noise, debris and hair getting stuck in your lip gloss.

Mark Twain said

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

Why am I talking about this? 

Because I have run out of other things to talk about.

That's not true. There's heaps going on, things I feel that might be nice to share in here but I'm not quite ready to.

Windy days test us. Maybe that's why "Tempest" rhymes with "test." hmmm. perhaps not. Sounded better in my head, I couldn't really sound it out though because there was so much whistling going on in there.

This morning it was still and I could hear the birds. It's one thing to listen but another to truly hear.

I have had to listen to a few of my dreams and intuitions lately and am going out on a limb for people I care about because the noise is getting too loud.

We can only go on so long listening but not hearing. Eventually, hopefully things will sink in.

I'm being vague here. The hope is that it's making you think about something you haven't been hearing. Or someone who hasn't been hearing you. 

I guess that's the hope with all my more insightful personal posts, that my me opening up something, you see that we all have these feelings in our own complex different ways, and sometimes we need a little nudge to listen to them.

Before I blow out any more hot air, I'm off.

Jj

Skinny jeans and silly things

For the past week, I have been getting at most 5 hours sleep. I am preparing for my newest Cardio comedy cabaret : "Confessions of an Aerobics Instructor"

I have also been looking for a job (hire me!) and reviewing a ton of Fringe shows. It's all go and it's awesome, but means I have been super lax when it comes to writing this.

Did you know that being sleep deprived is like being drunk? You might wake up with peanut M & Ms in your bed and hair but you are less likely to eat them in the morning if you are sleep deprived. There's a story about that but it's for another time, and this is also the reason why this post is going to make little sense.

I have been chained to my computer leeching wifi off cafes all around the inner North like someone who hangs around a guided tour of a museum to overhear the facts without paying for the guide.

Yesterday I hurt my knees because I rode my bike in skinny jeans and they were so tight they pulled my kneecaps around.  

The next day I rode my bike in a dress, the chain fell off just as I was getting on the train. A man pointed it out to me, so feeling the pressure of sticking it to him and showing that I was a capable modern bad-ass babe, I began to fix it. Clad in helmet, backpack, jacket and sweat, I tried fixing my chain on a moving train. Not easy. The dude held the bike for me, I held the chain, the handle of the train, and my dress as they all moved at various parts of the journey. Got there in the end and got chain grease on my face which stayed there until halfway through leeching at another cafe's wifi, did I look in a mirror and realise.

I had an interesting interaction with a group of guys at 711 on Friday night. It was a long weekend in Melbourne because of the AFL Grand Final, and town was heaving. I had just been to see/review Strassman and was meeting the camera man to organise my shoot for show promo (at 9.30pm after waking up at six after going to bed at 1)

I did the unthinkable in this city of amazing coffee and was getting a $1 coffee from 7/11 to keep me going- then a bunch of dudes ageing 26-35 (I reckon) came in getting several waters, lolly pops and chewing gum. Wired as hell, the dude next to me said "woah, you are on a whole nother level than me right now." I looked back into his dinner-plate pupils and said "Yes. You are VERY awake." Then got chatting to them about my night, how I DARED to drink 711 coffee in Melbourne, which they bought my coffee for me, kindly. We shared some Allen's snakes outside the 711 as I told them about my show. One of the guys comes out (also dinner-plate pupils) and goes "hey, you go to my gym." Turns out his name is Brad and we do boxing together and yarn. He seemed somewhat uncomfortable talking about health and fitness when he was clearly retoxing.

 Anyways the dudes set off, giving me five and saying "Gee, it's so cool to know there's awesome people like you in Melbourne doing what they love." They offered me to keep the snakes but I told them I had a feeling at 5am they would be needing some sustenance and thank me later.

The great thing about having minimal sleep is you get to cram so much fun into one long day.

Yesterday when rehearsing a dance to Def Leppard on a table I realised the tradies outside were getting a good show. The are working on the gas meters meters away from my living room window.

Because my brain is submerged in writing jokes for my show, to finish, here is one I have not written; found on Twitter: