On being a Friend

I had my 26th Birthday drinks last weekend, joined with another great friend of mine. I was lucky enough to have many great friends surrounding and celebrating me!

It gave me the chance to reflect on how many good friends I have in my life, the ones who showed up and had a fun time after a stressful work week, having wisdom teeth coming through, or having their car deemed unworthy for the road and walked the rest of the way to make it. I always worry when planning these sorts of things whether people will just dissolve into a wafty flakey txt message and not come (they don't RESPECT THE RSVP) because let's face it, we do live in a world where there are more "events" than hours in the day and we have become conditioned by the idea of FOMO not to actually commit to anything. But my worries fortunately were alleviated this time as, yes, there were some who couldn't make it- but most had valid excuses and I have managed to catch up with them one on one since then which has been awesome, so thanks everyone.

It is one of those things though, that there is no book on how to be a good friend. This Wikihow step by step guide is actually pretty accurate, but can be easier read than done....

In this last week, some of my mates have had all sorts of rough ends of serious sticks dealt to them lately (that's an expression I got from my dad- "to be given the rough end of the stick") and whilst I could roll my eyes, hang out with my cat and stay clear of any perceived drama, I rolled up my sleeves and got on the phone. My phone. A device that is basically attached to my arm that I could constantly use for messaging close ones and checking how their day is going or telling them about my latest bike service or whatever but instead mostly used to look at pictures of bland motivational quotes and brunch. Contacting your friends is like composting. It's not hard to do but it has a great effect. 

Engaging, energising and inspiring the people who are close to you with your presence, your hugs, your dad jokes and your cups of tea.

Not

Making them come with you to some kind of event where you know one person who you think is going to land you a job and making them take pictures of your outfit and you 'having so much fun' for insta. 

Accompanying them to Bunnings to find fairy lights and accidentally buying a jumbo pack of Shamwow

Not 

Inviting them to BodyAttack. Ever.**

**Unless BodyAttack is their thing then definitely. Same applies to CrossFit.

I dunno. When I was a kid, I didn't have very many friends. Maybe it was because I was a show-off, competitive and geeky. I didn't get roll ups in my lunch so I couldn't win friends over with generosity. Since then I've been learning to listen, change my showing off into a profession, and buy rounds of drinks. There's still times when I get invited to things by friends and I'm amazed to be included, or when they txt me asking how my thing last week went feeling super stoked that there's a genuine interest shown in my life. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and want to do more for others close to me. 

The way we socialise is ever evolving. From long phone conversations on the landline to six-second-snapchats with 4 words and 10 emoji we are all so connected yet at risk of loosing connection. At risk of loosing loyalty, sympathy and empathy.

I go into shops and they people there are so friendly and casual and make me feel amazing and also make me realise we are floating in this middle ground of casual mates where everyone overshares with strangers and undershares with friends. A casual undersharing of their time, their attention and their utes to move house (the ultimate.)

I'm not bitter, I want things to be better.*

*Imagine this said in my thuck Kiwi axcint. 

Jj

Is something small better than all or nothing?

Dear you wonderful people who read this (if there are any of you left)

I have multiple wet rag excuses as to why I haven't posted in so long.

I got lost in my journal writing, review writing, birthday card writing and couldn't find my way back to here.

I, like many people do in all sorts of aspects of life, was reasoning with the "it's either all or nothing" approach- if it's not going to be jaw dropping soul cleansing belly aching brilliant, there's no point in publishing it at all.

Like someone who doesn't say anything to you when you loose a loved one because they don't know anything deep and sentimental to console you, so they say nothing.

Or someone who doesn't come to your costume party because they don't like dressing up. 

Or eating all of the TimTams because you had a free sample of chocolate earlier in the day.

This is how I felt over the last couple of weeks about this blog.

Which is kind of daft, as I have learned a few great things-

The guitar
The feeling of riding your bike again after 2 months
The feeling of getting re-attached to your loved ones and holding that lump in your throat
How cool cousins are
Welsh Dancing
How to make arancini balls

I've planted a garden, made new friends, woken up before sunrise to exercise and meditate; each of those things are something small- a 20 minute part of my day that definitely leaves me feeling better than nothing. 

So, since I've come to that conclusion, here is my something small. A post to get the ball back rolling.
Hopefully it snowballs.

Jj